freewill

Blogging Day for Syria

2011-06-24T14:20:00.006+02:00

Painted by Suzanne Alaywan

I've decided to regress into my shell since 10-4-2011.....
I've not been able to exchange words with the closest people to me...my best friends and family...with the least of exceptions...
I'm 24 and a half....and I've never been out of this place in my entire life...
my feet didn't experience the touch of another soil....my nose didn't experience the smell of another aroma....my eyes...have been shut ever since I was born....
I've experienced one thing ...... Syria...
My home....my memory....and my being...
all I wanted was to leave....was to throw myself into the arms of the first shelter I find on the way....but I failed....for a reason...
I'm not a happy person ...I know it....I'm a pessimist.
to witness....to know...to understand the illusion of the only fact you've known for ever....is the hardest thing one can go through.
In my Syria....Syrians don't kill each other....
In my Syria....every Syrian truly exist...not just under categories.
In my Syria....every mind is respected...not poisoned.
In my Syria...every Syrian's dream is to take part in the process of reforming Syria....not to leave it for good.
In my Syria...your freedom doesn't ruin mine....
and I can go on forever ...drawing the shape of my Syria....thus....my Syria is an illusion.

I was told that I'm a romantic when it comes to politics...thus....I hate everything related to politics...but I'm an addict to every related post written...

I was told that I'm an idealist when it comes to judging human beings....I am a humanitarian....and I will keep on believing in the essence of that creature....

I love you Syria :

يا سورية الجميلة السعيدة

كمدفأة في كانون

يا سورية التعيسة

كعظمة بين أسنان كلب

يا سورية القاسية

كمشرط في يد جرَّاح

نحن أبناؤك الطيِّبون

الذين أكلنا خبزك و زيتونك و سياطك

أبدًا سنقودك إلى الينابيع

أبدًا سنجفِّف دمك بأصابعنا الخضراء

و دموعك بشفاهنا اليابسة

أبدًا سنشقّ أمامك الدروب

و لن نتركك تضيعين يا سورية

كأغنية في صحراء

رياض الصالح الحسين

R.I.P Martyrs.

Dimah Ahmad

THE Dark Side of The Moon

2009-04-22T03:40:00.002+02:00

this is of course Pink Floyd’s exceptional …and my all times favorite album.

So let me share the concept of this album, with you :)

The album simply is indicating life’s pressures……

from the minute u open ur eyes…and ends up with the…sermon.

1- Speak to me, Breathe

Life…the minute we open our eyes…the first scream…BIRTH…
we’re given life, and at the same time, we start dying.
The first pressure is living…by other’s views…telling u what u must and what u must not do…asking u to be the “Perfect” kid…asking u to “achieve”…to be “successful” as everything around u demands ur perfection, the perfection our parents failed to get to, and now counting on u.

2- On the Run

Mobility…evoking the modern life’s speed…the change of places…in order for u to get what u want…u must go after it…nothing is achieved by waiting it!
And we’re all moving…particles changing energy, maps forcing paths…

3- Time

Time…who has the time??!! “I’m outta time”…
and we’re aging…no one can stop this process,
our bodies are aging…hair is whitening and time is running out!
In a blink of an eye, ten years have got behind us…and we’re still gazing at the sky the same way…
“the sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older”.
And if, we are afraid of getting older…time can control us.

4- The great gig in the sky

Death, is the end, or could it be not??!!
No one is sure about what lies on the other side, we’re all under the pressure of this end, is it really the end of life as we know it, is there anything after death?
Does death give us power to live, or take away our will to do anything, since death is the logical end?!
“and I am not frightened of dying, anytime will do”.

5- Money

Money! Well, hell yeah it is a pressure, everybody wants money, to do what with??!! Greed led us to where we are today, people want to make money the easy way, and they spend it the same way!
If money was ur aim, and u really not sure what to do with it, again, u r under its charm…and selling off ur soul!

6- Us and Them

Ethnocentrism, conflict, wars…
I am right, you are wrong.
You either can join “me” to fight “them” because we are right, or I’ll have to fight u cuz u are one of them!
It’s black and blue, up and down……
“With, without.
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?”

7- Any Color You Like

So, wars, money, travelling, being, existing, and aging…if u surrender to all these pressures…u will suffocate…and u will need a space, a sanctuary, and if you don’t wanna believe, think…or understand, u’ll take the short cut…Drugs!
Cuz the pressure is really huge…and we’re really small…
And we’re easily drifted…if we lost control!

8- Brain Damage

Where would all of that lead us to???!!
Insanity, is there a god? Is there a judgment day? Am I alive? What is the right? What is the wrong? Will I be the man/women everyone wishes for?
Am I going to have children or not? Will I ever be happy? Will I die in a car accident or in my bed?

“You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.”

9- Eclipse

The wisdom, Pink Floyd reached to, what we, human beings, all share:

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
everyone you meet
All that you slight
everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of the moon really.
Matter of fact it's all dark."

With all my love to Pink Floyd.

Dream's Keeper

2009-04-02T05:55:00.003+02:00

When a man/woman, forms -what you believe is- a real human being,
when you believe in the quintessence of humanity through such human being…
when your whole world has been turned upside down,
and when you can’t find words to thank this human being…
When you’re just stepping to the fringe, and your giving up, breaking down,
and not being able to descry that the feather,
is actually giving light another meaning,
that the teddy bear you hold at night, is the world’s as well...
then this person comes and teaches you how to look inside you and see the universe...
you find yourself....chasing letters....but failing to build a word!!!
Many people would call her the“ artist, painter, poetess, dreamer, little girl, ….”
And many other so simple, sometimes not so simple though, names…trying to give her…a name,
well, she’s Suzanne!
She’s the human being.
She’s all humanity too.
Sometimes floating to you with shades of a tired sea,
and sometimes crashing you with the black anarchy of us,
her fellow humans or should be, and of this planet.
Her words are actually one long haiku poem,
“warning: you could die of over “reality/dream” dose when reading her”…
She’s simply crossing the bridge to other human beings,
how brave it is, to step towards what could be you, or what could just… hurt you!?
She’s destroying this world, and building another,
She’s gathering this scattered world…in a painting, at the same time.
And because it is absurd, to say “I know”, she’s not going to give you an answer…
she’s going to take your hand, walk with you,
sometimes she’s going to point to an untilled land,
sometimes she’s going to… just sigh…and speak everything you have had in mind in a space!
By sighing, pollens will find their way to that land…and bring life on.
many are the ornaments; you’ll be smitten by when roaming her world…
You’ll remember those days, when life was the rill hitting your small muddy feet,
and dreams were twigs into the sky, so high that you fell into the rill...
you’ll think of “how did this spirit foresee the scene with such easiness”…
and she’ll answer with a smile, and a butterfly “or a squirrel! “
She’s love dictionary, she’s the tranquility of faith, and she’d give you both.
She’s the best friend everybody wishes for, and she’s one of a kind…
And whenever you’re around anything belongs to her…you can feel snippets of heaven….
And she’s a whole world of human beings…

my dearest friend Suzanne, for all the times I got wordless …”just like now”
for all the times I got overwhelmed with gratitude ….
I want to say thank you…
Love beyond inf.

Feeling.....

2009-03-27T04:36:00.003+02:00

All For Gaza

2009-01-07T01:22:00.003+02:00

there's nothing to say....
except that i feel ashamed....of being sad ...
i feel ashamed that it's the only thing i can do.....
i feel ashamed of each one of you dearest people of Gaza....
and that my sadness....is a luxury that i don't deserve....
and that i'm being part of this .....by just sitting, watching, and doing nothing but feeling the immense impotence and oppression.
Woe to us.....people of 21st century!!!
it's the lament of human kind....

Shelter

2008-12-10T02:09:00.003+02:00

How are you?!

Staring at me…she never answers…

If someone touched her

My turtle will hide inside her shell

Where do I myself could hide...

If one.... just called my name?!

قلبها علبة ألوان

2008-11-12T15:44:00.002+02:00

There's so much beauty in this world....that i can't take.....that i don't wanna miss

قلبها علبة ألوان

Squaring the circle

2008-10-08T05:26:00.003+02:00

There will always be
A new kind of pain
waiting.

A door that looks just like
any other.

A key that is supposed to
open another.

To knock is simple
To be handed the key……
…and the maze.

The choice…is to open
or to throw.

"A word is dead
When it is said
Some would say.
But only then
It starts to live."

No one’s safe
and the choice must
be made.

Like a tree…
not sure when
it is time to get cut
but sure it will.

The image of the Other side
is just an illusion
till crossing the bridge.

It is certainly… tempting
but the try…!

What is worthy more?!
An illusion becomes not?!
the idea of certainty?!

The womb…
the baby shall break
or else it is dead.

to Suzanne Alaywan

Sweet Boredom

2008-07-31T02:15:00.002+03:00

As usual, my relationship with this blog goes up and down
Explaining adds nothing, the little you read …the little you write…that’s right yazan!
Writing from this corner for the first time, new feelings …new places….faces…and the same messed up me.
Izo is standing over my shoulders watching me writing…ok…gonna be as simple as my life has been for the past few months, no surprise!
this city is changing definitely…lattakia, the poor Mediterranean sleepy forgotten lazy city and the very inspiring, though, one.
In a year…maybe less, things might change. Maybe new life…new city…or even new country.
In a year a whole new start.
At least that’s what I’d like to think.
Years pass really faster than hours…minutes, suddenly I’m a fifth year student!
The pessimistic me raises all the questions…exploring the options, and making pre-decisions.
I’ve been lucky this year, unique experiences, people, circumstances and a relief…the relief that only such laziness I’ve surrendered to would give.
Moments of thrill, passion highness and more…to end up with a conclusion, those moments of “joy” or “happiness” are few, and very short in time. Not that I’m being blackish again… it’s the simple truth, I can’t enjoy anything for more than seconds. Whose mistakes?! I don’t really care.
Only in my mind, I’ve traveled to all the places, figured new spheres, and made up a whole new life…facts.
But I’m still here, sitting to the same table at Izo’s coffee shop, writing my posts using the same laptop, and listening to the same music, drinking the same drink, smoking new White Marlboro. Surrounded by same faces…me…the one who gets bored fast enough…enjoying this repeated picture of reality!! Surprising myself, knowing this feeling won’t last …so just trying to embrace it…hold on to it for the longest time.
Appreciation is the lesson…appreciating people, time and the chance of watching my city becomes not mine.
Giving up that urge to detect mistakes here and there…opening up to all kinds of people.
It feels exactly like stretching your body…on a crowded lattakian beach…giving the sun a chance to reach each part of your weak body…every cell…melting…ready to be shaped into any image…any personality…
New starts freak everybody out. People tend to “appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition”. I like anybody, share the same feelings. With a little space inside, to unleash my own humble dreams. Knowing that time will come for a change…till then, I’m very proud of this feeling.

Chech this out!

2008-05-06T13:06:00.000+03:00

http://www.poemhunter.com/susie-gharib/

Appreciation

2008-04-03T16:45:00.001+02:00

THANK U IYADO....

THANKS ALOTTTTTTTTTTT

UR THE BESTEST

Bob Dylan

2008-03-28T12:55:00.002+02:00

for bob dylan's "believers".....this is a must watch.

Dylan didn't want to become the insider.....he's always been an outsider....

I say.....ZOOM OUT PEOPLE!

On Sin, Love and me

2008-03-22T22:27:00.004+02:00

Noise is eating my mind
Need is growing inside
Desperate to go insane
Though I know it’s all in vain

Trapped by unreal chains
Surrounded by bullshit and blame
Dead they are….and I’m alive
Strangers to their bodies… pretending that’s right

Deceivers….liars…assholes and whores
Full of sin ….still.. they rule
And the feelings they ignore
Will be there no more

To break into their minds
To pull them out of their disguise
I am going to…

To open their eyes
To yell: beds are sinless …love is sinless
And I’m ready to pay the price

Come…let’s shake their cave
Come…let’s prove we’re brave
Come…hold my hand
Come…let’s clean this land

Of sin….they shall always talk
In hell… their souls must be washed……..

Update

2008-01-23T01:15:00.000+02:00

breaking news.....I can smile again :D:D:D:D:D:D....

there's still some weakness in the right side but it's a great step forward ....

one thing i've learnt out of being unable to smile properly.....Smile anyway...no matter how .....just keep up the smile. cheeeeeeessssss

Not Dark Yet !

2008-01-16T01:12:00.000+02:00

it's been two months since i last was here....and two months since i got bell's palsy.
things are getting better health wise....but suck about any other thing u might think of!
i'm having mid-term exams now...and i'm realllllly losing it! i can't understand the way this university functions....! i mean after four years i still can't find out the keywords......and of course my dear university doesn't miss a chance on surprising me with all new:
1- only in Tishreen Univ. students would do their exam in 6 degrees in the winter because.....the AC is very high that noone can reach it and......the remote control is god know whre!!!!
2- only in Tishreen Univ. the exam is cancelled once you've already written your name on the answers' paper because the Dr. was too ill to do his job and noone thought about you so they don't care for a substitute!
3- only in T.U the classroom's door refuses to get unlocked 10 mins before the exam, and they "the T.U's minds...."...can't think of another room until you've already lost 15 mins.
4- only in T.U doctors believe in your highly respected mind that can lead into learning a whole programming language in just 1 hr 30 mins :D:D:D:D:D:D:D.......
and no...it's not dark yet since Bob Dylan's yelling at me that i should "hate nothing at all except hatred".......well dear Bob......"it's not dark yet" but "it's getting there for sure".

Bell's Palsy :(

2007-11-22T15:57:00.000+02:00

Doctors said it's a virus……that found its way into my right facial nerve, leaving the right half of my face paralyzed…… they told me it's just a matter of time before I get better…..and I'm stuck in bed……surfing the net (thnx Sam 4 the laptop) …..reading the blogs…..not being able to comment on anything cus blogspot is banned in Syria. What's new? I mean it's ok…..really why are we just yelling and asking the whys'……??? We're just being weirdos asking such questions.
So while everyone is studying…I can't, while everyone is having wine…..I'm taking cortisone!
Staying in bed…..gave me the time to rethink over millions of stuff, million of people crossed my mind…… and my old ways ….the "take it easy" way…and the "see the bright side" way…..are not working…….
What happened to the human in us?! Whenever I think of the way I deal with people compared to this they deal with me….i get confused…..because it's not fair! I gave up on expecting things from people too long ago! But when I got sick……I've expected some "humanity" from those I care about…….and I decided that from this minute on…..i'll ask nothing from noone…..of course there are exceptions……but they're just few……
It's getting clearer for me…… clouds are evaporating little by little…..
Thanks to all who came over, those who called…..those who sent e-mails and messages…… and thanks mom, dad and sisters! Love ya all. I'm sorry for being an ass right now!
Sorry samar and samer for not answering!

Overrated Bullshit

2007-11-14T00:15:00.000+02:00

Disconnection

So you let them in….they take places, and you become them…they become you, you recharge yourself, thinking there must be some place left here or there…..but! You wake up one day….find yourself naked of them all…. Because that was just your mind….creating the overrated concept of “eternal fucking friendships or relationships”.
Yes it must be overrated….because it’s not real….it’s just hallucinations.
And it’s all right, it’s completely fine, cus what matters now is the fact that you know what is it all about when it comes to relationships and all these crap.
I say crap, and I apologize to everyone who had one or more good thing going on under the name “relationship”….but give me a break!
It’s all about words all over again! I mean ….let’s say we’re living in a world where nobody knows what the word “friend” means…..or the word “hate” means….that would just change everything, I say…..let’s drop the words….let’s live it real……let’s be honest…..you’re nothing to me….why? because I don’t accept giving you names…..
I just wanna go for the “human” vocabularies. Just a human- fellow!
But why am I circling around “words and meanings”…..it’s all our fault, we – the current version of humans- just had the guts to destroy a whole set of meaningful words that took our grand grand parents years of creativity and meditation to come up with!
And I see the questions in the eyes of those who used to be titled in my life…..they don’t know what’s going on in my head….and to what level I got of bitterness to just say this!
And the problem is…..how can you explain if you don’t care enough…..and why would you care to explain if you don’t care enough…. Explanation deleted.
“why” is clear for those who knows….and only for those …. I do care, and they’re titled “human” for me.

Writing wordless!

2007-11-10T01:14:00.000+02:00

I’ve been trying to write for as long as I can remember now (due to my fucked up short term memory that could be yesterday…..but never mind)…. first ….I thought I’m not able anymore……, I thought I have lost the will….the ideas, but then, and after sailing too deep into new oceans…….discovering new lands, and exploring everything, after a hand shake….after a song…..after a beautiful….or ugly scene……after waking……. I believe that it’s not the will….nor the ideas, it’s just “words”……they’re dead…….and my whole perspective of almost everything in life has changed.
Not gonna say I’m happier, because I’m not.
Not gonna pretend I’m all right, cus again….I’m not.
Not gonna say I’m in deep shit…..cus I’m not (now).
Nothing is different if I wanna put it in words, but as I said, words are dead this time, so if there’s a difference, words won’t be the way to explain it, and so….you won’t be able to tell, if there’s actually a difference or not!
It’s kinda weird, but I gotta cope with it, it’s new….it’s like a new language , that have been made only for me, and it’s me who’s gonna learn it from its own a to z , like when adam and eve had only a whole planet to explore.
Well, if I’m using images, connected to words, well, the word could mean anything, for each one who reads it, but….only me….because I connected them, will understand the word……
So I’m gonna drop some words, and if telepathically we connected, you’ll understand each and every word I’ll write:

Tishreen Univ. Lattakia. Syria. Pizza. Camel. Pink Floyd. Waking Life. Black. Dirt. Speed. Laziness. Papers. Walls. Q . Bob Dylan . Saad . Yellow. Terabyte. MCSE . Bed. Fiber. Archive. Final Cut. Stone . Beer. Yousef. Social Destruction. 730. Green . Yazan . Idleb . Fair . Syria. Roger . Wikipedia . Damien Rice . Marcil . Nadeem Mohsin . Led Zeppelin . Lighters . Lap-top . Family . $ . Delay . Tennis. 5th of Nov.
8pm . 7 . Syria . Borders . Mountains . CO2. Time. Beats . Rain . Dad.
End. Human. God. Jeans. ………….me.

Goobye blogspot!

2007-10-10T18:10:00.000+02:00

Life can't get any aglier.....this country can't get any worse.......and I'm moving to this new blog , not sure when they will block it anyway!!!

Googlism Everybody!

2007-09-17T23:53:00.000+02:00

I thinks the title-link speaks of it all!
Are we all "Googlists".....without even knowing it?!
what's with us? what's with the world?!
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org

The Sun Is In tune but......

2007-09-11T15:56:00.000+02:00

The sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

SO! inblogs.net is banned here as well......noway to access our blogs......I'm calling all the syrian bloggers who can reach their blogs to focus on this issue.....we're not able to access our blogs, not even using other sneaking ways! What the hell is goin on with you Syrians??!! '
Are we that dangerous?? i remember writing about my dad and how much i love him! Am i threatening the national security doing this???????????????????????????????????????????????

Words Of Madness

2007-08-27T01:56:00.000+03:00

Everything that has a beginning has an end…..
We live to end….
“from The Matrix”

That’s relatively right, in the light of this beginning, I may start, not sure what end is waiting for me or what start fits the most….
The minute we’ve been given life…the minute we start dying.
Life and death, who has said they’re opposites !
Life and death the perfect match, nothing’s stronger….nothing’s more powerful…for they’re both, controlling us…
“Us” ……human beings…souls….parts of a greater soul.
It all begins with a scream….the scream that will become our
life-mate…….”HEEEEEELP!”
Because we’re weak, because we’re strong.
Because we don’t have the choice, and because we’re the only choice makers!
Because we’re blind ……and the light inside is killing us

The scream will always be there….it’s not yours….it’s the creator’s ….god’s screaming through you….god’s expecting you to help……god’s counting on you…
God’s …the light inside…the darkness outside.

So you’re growing up, exploring a set of strange things, watching blurry images, listening to some special sounds, smelling weird particles and walking endless roads….it’s the universe!
It’s the place you’re gonna spend a period of light they call “LIFE”
A bridge that connects two mysteries.
Don’t try to remember what lies before….for you’re limited.
Don’t try to predict the other side…for you’re limited.
You may have expectations, you may build images…they may give you hints…but remember you’re limited.
The bridge between is yours…it’s you, who you are, were and will or wanna be.

Crawling is all you can do…don’t run …cus you’re sure to fall.
The scream is humming still… your brain cells will try to embrace your scream…to hold it back…to train it.
The scream is never easy to be trained…you’re battle while crossing your own bridge…is this with your scream…
The more it’s louder …the more it’s clearer… the more you’re in peace.
The less you control it…the more you’re free.
Freedom is your aim… freedom shall always be your awaiting destiny.
And only when you’re going after your freedom, you’re actually free, because you’re not meant to be free…you only seek to be.

just a BIT late :D

2007-08-22T14:46:00.000+03:00

i was just away for a while i guess....but now since i have sometime to write i guess i'll be writing a lot ..... if there's anybody out there who still wanna check my blog ....welcome......sorry for those who used to like this blog and gav up on the idea of reading new stuff on this damn blog.....but honestly..... i was dead!

Men Of My Life - The Fact

2006-09-07T00:27:00.000+03:00

For you… for the only person I’m sure he’ll be there to say “happy 60th birthday” for me if I made it through life….
For the person I get along with the most….and I contradict with at the same time, the person that I share with 90% of my memory since I began to see differences …since I became different…since we became different….
The only human being on earth and all the planets who I can call to come over and get bored together…. Hours of deep conversations….hours of water pipes…hours of saying nothing but complete bull-shit….hours of sharing silence …. Hours of wandering aimlessly through the city of ours! Hours of dreaming…..
For you….cus you became a fact in my life…like eye blinking….ur there in my life….standing still, no “moody storms” could change ur position….no life bricks ….no people’s lies …..no parents’ doubled faces ….nothing….not policy….nor our boy\girl friends can change us cus we’re a fact.
The extreme’s mate I’ll call u, my smoking mate, my drinking mate, water pipe mate, every single food u can think of –mate , scissors game’s craziness mate, msab7a mate (that goes under “food” but it’s too special …so u know!)
My – f*** all - phrase mate, my Fayrose- addiction mate…. My ‘ego’ mate….
For all the success we shared …for all the failure
For all the happy moments….and the worst ones….
For all the times we said nothing about us….for all the times I got frustrated when noticing that you’re the only thing am sure of in my life…..
People will never understand…people will never know …people will always be too far…but again “who cares!”
People will always think we’re “something” as they say…and yes we are something….at least we’re not nothings….we’re something they fear….we’re them but in the image they can never see in mirrors…. Cus again they fear it but deep inside they like it! They’ll always be jealous! They’ll always be there to eye us….to whisper about us….and we …hehehehe we give a shit!
For the dearest ever….for the all times mate….for you alloush …I do love you….it’s simple….it’s pure ! It’s 8 years so far…and many many years to come….. for my only and only best friend or whatever….. I do love you.

A Doomed Memory

2006-08-25T23:39:00.000+03:00

It’s the story of dawn
A dawn that carried lights
Dawn was always her favorite part
Uniting with the silence

A black orchid that has grown
with misery replaced her delight
and she has said a farewell to her heart
for a blink…. She was lifeless

a freewill against centuries of dead-living laws
her freewill….and all of people’s lies
and so it was…. bloody Nazi scars
filled her arm…and her emptiness

what waits for her in the unknown
reflected in her dark eyes
too many ….too many tracks
all blur, and the end is limitless

Why on her arm she’s to mourn…
When her soul in the underworld flies
Writing down her tragedy with the stars
Knowing one thing….her pain is endless

Unscathed….to see her bones
And when the salty…crimson liquid dries
Her soul comes back….join her again…and she’s finally calm!
She’s in peace with her darkness

Men Of My Life- The First

2006-08-17T23:21:00.000+03:00

For you….the first man in my life… first love…. First male in my life
You were the beginning …
I’m here because of you and your way I walk …
You are my blood…you are my ideal
I became me just because you were you…not anyone else on this planet…
And you people…he “first man in my life” loves you more than u can imagine….more than you deserve … and I was so lucky!
I was lucky cus simply he loves me more….
You “people” were his obsession,
letting some light in was his dream…
making some changes was his goal….
awaking you was what he worked so hard on…
And only for you he suffered,
and all of you …after all he did for you…
all of you called him an “idiot” …yes…
you think everyone who’s not self-centered is an idiot nowadays..
And he was stupid why? Because he refused to be a sheep …
he didn’t want to be like you, and not only that he was trying to make you believe that all of you must refuse this too…
he had to give up on you, when he finally was convinced that you’re sleeping till the end of time.
he couldn’t give anymore….he gave another “disaster” to this world …just an idiot like himself…he gave birth to me……
for you daddy…cus I wanna be an idiot like ppl once called you….
if this is what it takes me to be like you….
I love you
I thank you for making the right choice at the right time….you’re my creator…my only real home…
I’m in love with your dark side just as I love your pure-deep side....
I love the father ….the repel… the human… the giver… the founder… the prisoner… the writer… the hopeful... the pessimistic… the loser the winner…the fat.... the blonde you.
I feel like I have limitless power to face everyone cus I know ur right behind me…. Giving me faith…. Lighten some sides that I’m not able yet to see…. Giving me the free will… asking me to set myself free…to adore my free will….to spread this free will around…..
Dad….I do love you.

Ziad...ba3dna taybeen 2ollo allah

2006-07-16T01:39:00.000+03:00

بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام...و بالخيام في مدرسة...و بالمدرسة في ألف و ستمية شخص بالحنوب اليوم في برد
و البرد في سقعة، و بالسقعة في مرض من كترة السقعة و بآخر المرض من كترة السقعة في موت إذا ما في مستشفى، و إذا في مستشفى لازم يكون في طبيب، بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام فيها برد و سقعة و فيها مدرسة فيها ألف و ستمية شخص من الخيام ما عندون بيوت بالخيام، مش ضروري كل واحد من الخيام يكون عندو بيت، فتحوا المدرسة و قعدوا فيها ....ألف و ستمية شخص كانوا قاعدين بالنبعة و برج حمّود و تل زعتر تيشتغلوا ببيروت، من تلاتين سنة هشلوا من الخيام عبيروت و اليوم رجعوا هشلوا من بيروت ع الخيام ، مش هنّي وحدون هشلوا، في ناس عم يهشّلوون و عم يهشّلوون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ....في عصابة الها فروع بكلّ لبنان عم بتهشّلون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ...لاحقتون عالدعسة من مطرح لمطرح مش قادرين يخلصوا منها، بيخلصوا من واحد بيطلعلون واحد تاني، إذا ما طلعلون أكتر من واحد تاني
أول مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون كادحين ، تاني مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون مهجّرين، و بالخيام في مدرسة و فيها ألف و ستمية شخص كادحين و مهجّرين و قاعدين بالصفوف ، و بي و أم وولادون و الجد و القرايب قاعدين بفرد صفّ، لا معون لا زوّادة لا مطواقية لا بطانية و لا كتب و لا دفاتر مجلّدة، ما في استاذ بالمدرسة في برد، و البرد في سقعة.
من زمان ما صرلون يفوتو ع المدرسة و اليوم صرلون بس ما في مين يعلّمون لكن عم يتعلّموا وحدون ....عم يتعلّموا كتير اشيا ، موزّعين بالصفوف كيف ما كان، رجّال عمرو أربعين سنة هوي و عمّو و مرت عمّو مساقبين بصفّ السيرتيفيكا، و بنت عمرا حداعشر سني بيها قتل بالنبعة قاعدة بصفّ البكالوريا......
بالمدرسة بالخيام ما بتفرق الواحد بأي صف صار ، كلّون كبار و صغار معون الشهادة ذاتها، كادحين و مهجّرين .... عاملين ثانوية و تكميلية .... مخلصين كلّ المراحل.... ناجحين بكلّ الصفوف.... معون اختصاص بالتعتير و عم بتشتي الدني بالخيام لأنو بلّش الشتي، بالمدرسة بالخيام في ألف و ستمية شخص و في بَي قاعد هوي و ابنو ع بنك بفرد صفّ، و طالما البَي بيقللوا لابنو يا بيي و الابن بيقللوا لبيو يا بيي صاروا غ فرد بنك و صاروا بفرد صفّ...صاروا بفرد جوع بفرد برد و شتي...بفرد الله و وطن و عيلي و في لوح قدّامون.....
البَي عم يحكي و الصبي عم يكتب ع اللوح، قلّوا يا بيي اكتب تقلّك: كل الدني ضدّنا مش بس اسرائيل، اسرائيل بتعمل غارات علينا...اسرائيل ضدّنا، و البيك بالزمانات كان ضدّنا، حاولنا نتعلّم لغة جديدة...حاولنا نفكّر بغير طريقة، كان لازم نشاورو للبيك...ما شاورناه صار ضدّنا، كان بيسوى نعمل زلمو للبيك ما عملنا و هشلنا ع بيروت، وقت أحمد الأسعد يا بيي هشلنا ع بيروت...كان دور بيروت وقتها، و اليوم اجا كامل الأسعد، رجعنا هشلنا ع الخيام...اجا دور الخيام، و كلّ الدني ضدّنا قيّد.....الطقس ضدّنا و البرد ضدّنا و عم بتشتّي الدني ضدّنا، كفرنا اكتر من مرّة قيّد، كفرنا...و طلعوا رجال الله يقولولنا الجنة و النار يا ولادي، و فال النار معنا و الجنة ضدّنا، يعني الله ضدّنا لأنو مش لازم الإنسان يكفر لو شو ما صار....ايدك مش رح تتعب قد ما نحنا تعبنا قيّد...لأنو بعد بدّي قلّك مين في معنا، في معنا يا بيي، كل القصايد الحزينة و الشعر قصايد كلّها عنّي و عنّك و هاي معنا قيّد، في معنا مليون خطاب عن الجنوب، إذا وزّعوون بيطلع للخيام وحدها شي ميّة ألف خطاب، و إذا وزّعوون ع أهل الخيام بيطلعلي أنا ويّاك شي اربعمية خمسمية خطاب بيكفّونا أنا ويّاك و أمك و أخواتك و بالزيادة، يعني إذا ولّعناهون كلّون بيدفّونا ليلة، في معنا مشاريع...مشاريع كتيرة كلّها لتعمير الجنوب...و الخيام بالجنوب...إذاً هيدي المشلريع معنا...
في معنا خطب الجمعة بكل المساجد...ووعظات الأحد بكلّ الكنايس...معنا كلّ الناس الحزنانين علينا و بس يتذكّروا الجنوب بيتأثّروا...و في كتير منون هالناس، قيّد معنا المهرجانات الحماسية بكلّ السينامات ببيروت...معنا ندوات و صور و إعلانات عن الجنوب...ما معنا بطانية معليش...معنا كلّ الأحزاب التقدميّة و الاشتراكيّة بالعالم عم يدعمونا، قيّد يا بيي ، معنا كل شي في شولرع و ضيَع...ننزل ندور و نشحد فيها رغيف خبز و معنا اجرينا فينا نمشي... و معنا توصيات بالصمود قدّام الإغراءات الاسرائيلية...و لازم نصمد انت بتعرف....بعدين معنا مهلة، معنا وقت كافي تنشوف قديش فينا نضاين بالبرد و بالسقعة و بالجوع، معنا ألف كتاب للصلا تنصلّي و نروح عالجنة....
كلّ هودي معنا و عم بتموت يا بيي؟! ليش عم بتموت؟! غريب انتا و غريب أمرك! طيّب شو بعد بدّك؟؟! في قدّامك هاللوح و مية لوح و المدرسة كلّها لالك...اكتب شو بدّك...ليش عم بتموت؟! ليش عم بتموت مش مفروض تموت...

What About People???!!!!

2006-07-15T01:20:00.000+03:00

What about human beings you idiots…… what about the thousands of thousands of people who died and are dying right now?
What about us?
What becomes of me…..what becomes of you?
Is there a place for us in your mind… next to weapons next to blood…next to greed …next to racism …? Is there a place for me?
Is there a place for your own children?
A place for my children meeting yours someday….?
And you holy land…orphaned land….
What have we done to you…..what have we done????????
We became the worst version of human beings….living in the “dirt age”
What’s the WORD in such situation guys? What’s the right FEELING? What’s the right thing to do…..? Does “right” matter anyway? Who can say this is right n this is wrong now…
Whose fault is it? Who’s to blame?
Which voice I should call up from my deep inner silence?
The voice of human says “no more killing….no MORE KILLING”…and it’s killing me, the voice of logic says “it’s now or later…..it’s Lebanon or Syria or…….it’s Hezbollah or whatever the name was…. It’s us and them all over again…. it’s the ever lasting story of the evil and the good….”
And I ….in the middle of this battle….stand and think….. What peace are we talking about? The history is clear….the history is full of lies but it’s pure …. It’s not our land anymore…. Fighting is not our game anymore…. Peace is not a choice anymore …
War is a hell ….The world is a bigger hell…. We are to an end…. We are to an end

MUTE

2006-06-16T11:27:00.000+03:00

the place where rehearsals are held(don't try to know where it is...)
Amer on base guitar, and he's so in control of this instrument, but i guess u need some new wires for the amplifier dude....
Ziad's always taking their breathe out...the thrill of playing his additions to a song makes him go where his friends can't but yell "hey man ....." and they all smile and play their own way...each one his own way and all in all Mute's way
Ali' on his ....hmm yeh drums
so tell me....what do u think of this huge drums?
Ziad &Amer
Mute with Damdom

MUTE

2006-05-02T04:33:00.000+03:00

(me with Amer, Ziad and Ali)
Wordless I find myself…speechless…
What does it mean to have freewill?
What does it take you to prove, that you’re freewill is really free…
Answers: 1- to have freewill is to form a hard rock\ heavy metal (sometimes), in a city where Ali Aldeek is considered an artist… in a city where you can’t find more than few people who actually listen to real metal…
2- It takes you a hundred Syrian pounds per a month!
Few almost wireless instruments, and the spirit of three talented\hard working guys that lights the dark place, and make the weirdest place in the world where a band can actually practice, seems beautiful on Thursdays…
So as a result…
Mute, the first officially lattakian rock band (as far as I know), have seen the light…
And of course the crazy me who always gets into everything related to music, simply became a friend of the band’s members, after we met at the bus stop :D
Mute was formed two years ago, Sami Zreik “drummer” started the band with Ali Khalil and Maya Mamish on vocals, and of course the very …I’ll call him “yet to be greatest Syrian guitarist” Ziad Khalil… my fave Syrian guitarist…and Mayson on keyboard
After a while Amer Kena’an joined on buss guitar, to complete the first line up, the rehearsing used to take place at the music room at Tishreen University (which after a very short while was closed…because no body benefits of it…and u know how does it work in our country..)
With Maya’s deep voice, the band was ready to perform for the first time in some local restaurant in lattakia, playing some famous cover songs, it was very good as a beginning, and Maya’s voice was awesome!
This was the schedule (don’t remember the right order):
Zombie –the cranberries
Don’t You Cry – Guns N Roses
Creep – Radiohead
Knocking on Heaven’s Door
Gone With the Sin – HIM
Another Brick in the Wall2- Pink Floyd
Come as You Are

The crowd was simply…not a crowd!! Few ppl heard of this concert, so few ppl went, but the reaction was amazing everybody loved the band, and now everyone was waiting to hear from them soon.
But Maya didn’t continue “I don’t know why?” and the lattakian first rock festival was knocking on the doors, and the band was listed in… so a guest vocalist took Maya’s place “unfortunately!” and then was the concert…good concert in general, expect for the vocalist (I delete my first view on the whole concert), at first sight we were thrilled cus you know…lattakian ppl are dying for live shows, and this was the first, so we didn’t really listen! We were actually singing…anyway…we were drunk even by the bad vocalist, cus everything else seemed perfect…

Now that Mayson and Sami left the country for studying, the band is basically keyboardless, and Ali Khalil is the current drummer… but the three of them are on a kind of side-project with another two members of Slumpark Correctional, a hard working thrash metal band from this dead city. I can’t say it’s a side-project, cus Ali is the vocalist in spc, and mute’s members are all spc’s at the same time! Why not…. Due to the lack of talents in lattakia, we’ll have 10 bands with Ziad, Amer and Ali in! as Ziad once said ; )
No matter what I say …I can’t give the “tiny drums” its right…no matter what I say I can’t reflex how it really feels to listen to them practicing… no matter what I say I can’t give them their rights: Take ur hats off for this band guys… they’re –surely- a very unique Syrian band…and we’ll always be proud of you dear friends…
I had some chat with the guys n I asked them few questions:
1- influences:
Amer Kana’an : John Linon, Savatage, Yngwie Malmsteen.
Ziad Khalil: Chris Oliver –Savatage
Ali Khalil: Savatage, (as for vocals- Soulfly’s vocalist “sorry Ali I’m so stupid to remember n I forgot his name”)

2- how do u see the metal scene?
Ziad: good…normal
Ali: Sucks!
Me ( :D) : Sucks…but with u guys in…it’s gonna get better I hope.

Finally I have to mention, that all of the three guys are self-educated musicians. Beware they’re preparing for something…
Till next time…Metal Lives…(more pix to be added soon...as soon as i finish exams....i know that i've abandoned this dear blog for a real while...but i guess i'm coming back...)

Untitled...

2006-02-28T16:06:00.000+02:00

Friedrich Nietzsche, how hard it is to write such a name?! well it’s no easier trying to understand this weird- special philosopher, you look around and you just feel “ yeh…that man was right!”, he’s said to be the core of Nazi’s racism theory, but what I got my hands on has nothing to do with racism or politics, it’s religious actually, starting with a simple quote (God is Dead) from his book ( The Gay Science).
Nietzsche wasn’t that simple dropping words just by chances of course, did he mean that Jesus was dead? Nah, not Nietzsche’s style, he didn’t mean that god is dead anyway, he was just giving the honest description of God in people’s hearts nowadays, he’s killed by science and rationalism – as he tends to explain- , he’s aiming one thing, once people accept the “God Is Dead” quote, we’ll have to set new values, more flexible, more up to date morals, and remove all the accepted standards. I just want to mention this is how I thought about this quote, and it doesn’t mean I believe in this, it’s another attempt to enlarge one’s view on another thoughts and beliefs, so here’s the whole story:

Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market-place, and cried incessantly: "I am looking for God! I am looking for God!" As many of those who did not believe in God were standing together there, he excited considerable laughter. Have you lost him, then? Said one. Did he lose his way like a child? said another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? or emigrated? Thus they shouted and laughed. The madman sprang into their midst and pierced them with his glances. "Where has God gone?" he cried. "I shall tell you. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained the earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not perpetually falling? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is it not more and more night coming on all the time? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we not smell anything yet of God's decomposition? Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us - for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto." Here the madman fell silent and again regarded his listeners; and they too were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern to the ground, and it broke and went out. "I have come too early," he said then; "my time has not come yet. The tremendous event is still on its way, still traveling - it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time, the light of the stars requires time, deeds require time even after they are done, before they can be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than the distant stars - and yet they have done it themselves." It has been further related that on that same day the madman entered divers churches and there sang a requiem. Led out and quietened, he is said to have retorted each time: "what are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?"

Belated Solidarity

2006-02-15T18:02:00.000+02:00

I’m back, it took me couple of days to explore the big changes at the Syrian bloggers’ blogs, and I must say that I missed a lot, too much have been said, big efforts have been done to clarify what a real Syrian person would have reacted like, in the last couple of months. It was really comforting to know that too many people still have a mind in there, sorry that I didn’t have the chance to share all of these, but I got the new modem just two days ago, the last one is dead (bless thy), and I can say I wasn’t in mood for writing (still in the same mood!) but I felt it’s my duty as a Syrian person above all, and as a blogger to join my voice to you guys, but I have a problem understanding the whole issue;
I’ve seen the cartoons, they’re just crap, but still they expressed somebody’s vision! So what?! We go and sue the whole country for that! Remember when Mhlis report took place, we were asking the whole world not to judge a whole country for some punch of lunatics’ mistake, can’t we speared our perspectives a little? Aren’t we contradicting our own words in this situation?
Viva freedom, but when it’s everybody’s right! Not only given to certain people, go to the streets yell the hell out of your lungs it’s your right, but that’s when freedom stops, yeh freedom must be limited, cus otherwise people will miss the point and start becoming so aggressive under the word (freedom of expression), especially when they’re new to the whole thing (the freedom word).
When Mel Gibson’s film (Passion Of The Christ) was banned in more than 2000 cinemas in USA (the freedom guardian angel), because the Zionists lobby found it too anti-Semite, wasn’t it against what they like to call expression freedom?!
I don’t know what are we doing?? Everything seems so messed up and not fitting in its place…
Still it’s unquestionable that it was shame to react like animals, don’t they (those so called conservative Muslims) say that the prophet’s image can’t be affected by whatever! Do these cartoons really abuse the prophet’s place in your hearts??
You’re maybe not sure about this even!
If you wanna go for a restaurant with more than 7 people, you need permission; still they burnt the Danish embassy with cold blooded hearts while being watched by our great police, and after a while, we listen to the government’s apologies about this! Bullshit! Holey crap…
I have to admit that I was moved by the Syrian bloggers’ reaction, and I’m proud to be one of you…peace in…

In Progress...

2006-01-03T14:06:00.000+02:00

I’ll start it with Anathema’s Fragile Dreams lyrics:
Today I introduced myself to my own feelings…
In silent agony, after all these years…
They spoke to me, after all these years…

(Note: yesterday is some blurry moments from the past and not particularly yesterday or few days before, and so today is not the future…it’s the current minute…)
Yesterday:
People: I really gave much…took much, cared for much, get involved much, loved much, and wrapped myself to people much, lost many, gained few.
Music: alternative, soft rock, blues, and jazz, some Arabic…
Started guitar lessons…thinking “I’ll be playing these French oldies and my Bryan Adams’ favorites and fayrouze…”
Studying: books’ wormy…
Coffee shops: cherries waterpipe (argheleh) with any kind of coca, diet 7up most of the time…
Clothing: anything that fits me, because I was like 10 kg heavier :D
Parents: really didn’t like them…
Religions: drifted…not getting myself into anywhere asking the questions I couldn’t find their answers at the time…
Policy: protest!!!
Me: confused, killed some inner beasts and fought with some others…bought many smiles…
Eating: ate much much; and I reckon MUCH…of everything…

Today:
People: Numb as I’ve never been before when dealing with ppl no matter how close they used to be, but I’m relieved as I’ve never been…
Cut off the wires that connected me with ppl and prevented me from being in complete peace with myself.
Music: hard rock, metal (Doom, Gothic, Symphonic, Progressive, Black)… reduced my Arabic albums to end up having only Fayrouz’s and Ziad’s and Maghda’s albums. Bye bye bryan adams and oldies, (I’m now dreaming of playing Tarrega’s and Segovia’s and Bach’s great pieces, and thinking “it’s easy now to play electric…let’s give it a try!”), some jazz…
Studying: what??!! Say “studying” in front of me three times and I’m dead! cuz it’s not fair! Wallhi it’s not fair, I mean by what means, I took 24\30 in my programming practical exam, and I haven’t study a shit?? And my friend who helped me getting some points 5 minutes before we get the papers, only had 17!! This is ironic…no more studying! (I didn’t use any indirect ways I swear... ;))…so what do you think?
Coffee shops: grapes’ waterpipe, and only Orange coca…
Clothing: I can wear whatever…lost 10kgs of my extra 14kgs, I’m proud of this! I mean this is an achievement, this is a sign that when I will to do something, it’s done for sure, I can do whatever, I just need to will…
I’m into black stuff more…I like silver accessories.
Parents: proud of them as individuals, thy finally understood the independence I seek in our relation and they’re respecting this, but they drop some advices from time to time, which I appreciate.
Religions: My Humanity First…now and for good…
Policy: “membership means nothing” I’m not baathi…just because a paper says so… I believe in the “Great Syria” concept but I’m not a Syrian Nationalist …, I believe we must separate religion from policy but I’m not communist…but above all; I’m not ready to be tricked again with hypnotizing words and promises, this is the human voice in me, and for the sake of my\others humanity and not by the means of being involved in any political game.
Policy is dirty; this is what my daddy (who was a communist and a fighting one I think!) told me while I was crying…and I mean it CRYING because he said something like “I don’t really think it’s a good idea right now to become a communist dear!”, when I was telling him “I wanna join the party”…I guess I rushed at that time…and he’s right…
Me: I know what I am…trust myself and believe in me…and that’s all I need for the minute .Inner Peace. No more buying smiles…when I’m sad I’m gonna cry the hell out of my pain, and when I’m happy I’m gonna invest the minute…beasts are killed, and CARPE DIEM…
Eating: not into anything but chocolates! I mean I can stay like 5 days and eat nothing but chocolates, and of course a lot of coffee…all kinds of coffee.

Finally people change, but it’s really important to set your mind on some basics that cannot be changed, those concepts or principles or ideas…are the ones about humanity, about you sitting to yourself and feel that you can only tell yourself these stuff…they are just like your thumb lines and DNA…only you have them…this is what it means to be an INDIVIDUAL.

The Hole in The Wall

2006-01-01T16:50:00.000+02:00

the Brush has joined the war...
(thanx you Samer 4 the pix)

To HELL!

2005-12-30T00:37:00.000+02:00

You lay there, breathing your last breathes, fighting your fatal death, I look at your naked body, and I feel like tearing it into pieces, you were the ugliest! The most stupid, the rudest, and the toughest!
When you came to us, hiding yourself in the shape of a saint…we all asked ya to be our awaiting, for some you were the last hope! And you let them down…
For some you were the stair to heaven, but you knocked them away! Now that nothing’s left of your saint’s robe; I look at you…full of stains and brands, I can see blood on your hands, of course! You were WAR! You were FAMINE! You were DEATH! You were SATAN!
You greedy one! What have you done? How did you bring all these diseases, hurricanes, conspiracies, hatred, and death! Where did you hide them!?
I can remember how happy I was welcoming you! But I was a gullible!
No, nobody’s sorry for your death! But as for me; I won’t be a gullible again! I won’t welcome your sister the same way I did with ya…I’m afraid she won’t be much better, but at least I’m prepared this time…
God damn!!! I hated you!
No “Happy New Year” exchanges this time! It’s gonna be “TO HELL 2005…”

Creeping melodic EXAMS

2005-12-22T22:22:00.000+02:00

Now that exams are knocking on my hell’s door, I settle down after going crazy the whole semester, I fight with Gaouse’s theory, at day, and Bissell’s equation at night, well the ironic thing is; after understanding them by myself - that takes you 10 light years!- because I haven’t attend more than couple of lectures in general, I decide with a very powerful will “ next semester I’m not gonna miss a lecture…even the English one…”, well this is my third semester and I’ve decided this twice by now…now how sad is this!
but you know there are multitude stuff which avoid this decision from seeing the light, first there’s sleeping; during the semester you sleep like 12 hours a day and sit to your P.C the rest of your day, this is kinda pay-off for the sleepless days and nights you’ll be witnessing starting from now...
Then there’re your friends, who are just like the loser you are, and you HAVE to hang out with them all the time, and pay every coffee shop in the city a visit.
And yes…you have to learn fishing...so you miss some lectures to do this, you end up being Rami the small fisherman “رامي الصياد الصغير” but don’t hope for more than ten microscopic fish, and don’t forget the donkey and carrot’s theory… “Some guys know what I mean for sure”.
And there’re the cd’s shops that know you very well by now, because you were blessing them with your visits every couple of days…to finally end up with enormous number of cds…and some new friends: D
And finally there’s your family, which you have to fight with; even this…EVEN this is taking a part of your time…
Akhhhh, do you think I’m gonna stick to my decision this time?? I need to study the hell out of these 9 subjects I have this semester…and I’m not gonna be thinking about the next one.
And since I’m a music maniac, I chose my “EXAM’S PLAYLIST” for this year which surprises many, because it’s not the kind students prefer to play…
My 2005-2006 Exams Playlist:
Bon Jovi ‘Two Story Town’ , Coldplay ‘Fix You, Speed Of Sound’
Creed ‘My Sacrifice, Weathered’ , Deep Purple ‘Soldier of Fortune’
Dire Straits ‘Down To The Water Line’ , The Gathering ‘If Then Else’ album
Godsmack ‘Faceless’ album , In Flames ‘Clay Man’ album
Iron Maiden ‘Dream Of Mirrors, Clansman’
Keane ‘Somewhere Only We Know, Everybody’s Changing, Bedshaped’
Led Zeppelin ‘Stairway to heaven’ , Lene Marlin ‘Another day’ album
Lifehouse ‘You and Me, Blind’ Metallica ‘Fade To Black, Mama Said, The Unforgiving І, Until It Sleeps’
Crematory ‘Unspoken, Memory’ , My Dying Bride ‘Like Gods Of The Son’ album
Placebo ‘Special needs’ , Poets Of The Fall ‘ Signs Of Life’ album
Savatage ‘Hounds, When The Crowds Are Gone, Temptation, Mentally Yours, Sarajevo, This Isn’t What We Meant, Not What You See, Ghost In The Ruins, Out On the Streets, I believe, Alone You Breathe, Stare Into The Sun, All That I Bleed, Follow me’
Sentenced ‘The Cold White Light’ album
Theatre Of Tragedy ‘Velvet Darkness They Fear’ album
Travis ‘The Invisible Band’ album, Him ‘The Dark Light’ album
Some of my fave Fayrouz’s

Don’t ask me how the hell I study while listening to these completely different ppl and genres; but I’m used to this I can't do without music!…if you want share your exam’s playlist “if you have one” with me feel free…it’s kinda tag, so I’m tagging:
1- Change Destiny
2- Zena
3- Grayfox
4- MFLS
5- Muhannad
6- Front Pumper

Blood Brothers

2005-12-14T16:55:00.000+02:00

For a good while, I thought; “why do we say words like “Arab world, Sister country, we share the same hopes”?”, and I was convinced that all of these are just bullshit and crap.
I believed that “together we stand…divided we fall”.
Today, and the time is running…preparing ourselves for the unpredictable future of our own, feeling the “unfair” growing into a giant, feeling that we’re alone, that it’s over, doubting the principles we’ve always considered to be our identity…
“ The Better Life” coral, came all the way from Egypt…came to pray for their homeland Syria, for Syria is the homeland of everyone, they came to sing “ Keryamaisons…hallelujahs…” and many other holy pieces, in the front row, a sheikh and a priest sat, holding Syrian flags, and hands, they’re singing too…
Thank you Egypt, we need this from you, as we need it from all the arab or lemme say the free world’s countries, I know that prays may not stop what is being prepared , and I know that these people can’t do anything about whatever may happen, but they’re doing what their willing to, and that’s what matters…the will… they wanna stand beside their blood-brothers, they wanna say “ God Protect you holy land” they wanna say “ طوبى للذين يدعون إلى السلام لأنهم أبناء الله"
Christians and Muslims, Syrians, Egyptians and Americans!
They’re raising a word… and words don’t die of what I heard…
I feel that I’m walking now with a hand in mine. Thank you Egypt…

Happy Birthday Me!

2005-12-02T00:55:00.000+02:00

so what?! i wanna greet myself! and in my way...a very dear poem..and picture

يا طفلي الأول ...
معلمي الأول...
رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
إني احترمك كأمي...
و لسوف احترمك...
إني أسير في الطريق الذي سلكته...
و لسوف أسير...
رأسي يتدحرج بعيداً ...
و يجلس العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
على حافة سريري...
بين راحتيّ، و يقول لي :
لنتذكر معا أيام شبابنا...
لقد مرت يا عامي التاسع عشر...
تسع سنوات من عمري ...
منذ احرقنا أغصان الصنوبر في الغابة ...
و أنشدنا الأغاني بصوت واحد ...
و نظرنا إلى القمر في الليل ...
أنا لا أزال أغني القصائد ذّاتها ...
فلم تحولني الريح...
إلى ورقة في مهب الريح ...
لقد سقت الريح أمامي ...
و أنت!
يا من تستطيع تحطيم ما لا يحطم...
أنت قادر على التحديق في عيني...
و الضغط على يديّ...
و أنت!
يا من...
أنت وحدك ...
يا طفلي الأول...
معلمي الأول...

رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري ............

this is from me to me with love, wishing myself a happy birthday…. This poem is one of my fave. Nazim Hikmat of course… it’s strange how close his words to me! I guess it’s close to everyone… I’ll take another few words I’m in love with…
"If I didn’t burn,
And you didn’t…
And we didn’t…
Who is it…That will enlighten this darkness?"

doesn't sound really optimistic as a new begining right?!

anyway, special thanx to each of: Lujain, Iyas, Ali... you guys are the best! love you, happy to have you in my life for another year... I'm blessed with you guys... and I mean it.

of course thank you my Adam...though you didn't call me...boohoo..tfoo 3aleek.. but I'm even more blessed with you... there's a deep instinct telling me, I'M GONNA ENJOY MY NEW YEAR... god bless you homeland... thank you god for enriching me in different ways the past year, thank you for dropping nice people into my way.... I can't ask for more

sorry if i hurt, bothered, annoyed or acted as a jerk with any of you...hope i've learnd sth from the past year...yallah cheers guys... ...

WHY??!!!

2005-12-01T17:09:00.000+02:00

The Truth that We All Know...

2005-11-27T14:54:00.000+02:00

truth hurts?! sure it does, but it hurts more when everybody knows the truth...yet everybody's is blinded... What a sun! you see it but you're walking in complete darkness...
here is the truth..
don't panic! try to see the sun...but don't let its light blind you..

Rock On...

2005-11-26T09:33:00.000+02:00

Place: lattakia, the Casino.
Time: 6:00 pm, 25\11\2005 .
Event: the very first rock festival in lattakia.
Contributors: Mute, Nu-Clear-Dawn, Black Castle.

So I was there…and almost everyone was there, but everyone means: everyone who really cares for the Syrian rock scene, I mean I went to many other concerts but this one was completely different, there were like 20 security men, it was organized well, and the bands were AWSEMN.
So Mute – the lattakian band- started the show, and they were – for me- the best, regarding the great vocalist and the brilliant guitarist. Guys! This one is much better than the first formed band, where was that guy – the vocalist- !! rock on guys…hope to hear more of you…more than just cover songs…
Then another victorious band…Nu- Clear- Dawn…I’m just PROUD of em, I mean they composed their own music, lyrics…and everything! The vocalist has a problem yeh…but still it’s the very first band to CREATE sth…and not anything, something that reminds you of the golden bands…like Dio, Dream Theater…and you know…
I recommend their EP. Poem Of A Knight.
And finally I was exhausted and so the guys so we couldn’t stay to listen to all of Black Castle’s, but in general they’re instrumental, and very good at this…
So now after that rocky night, I can say that the rock scene now is witnessing an awakening…and it has developed way ahead… proud of you guys…all of you.

Me In Damascus...the pix

2005-11-20T07:41:00.000+02:00

those pix i took while i was in damascus couple of months ago...couldn't upload them till now, well it's raining outside now...and i'm thinking..just like the rain is washing this dirty streets...so you can wash all the bad memories...this simple!! I had good times though..

My second round in tag land

2005-11-16T20:49:00.000+02:00

thank you iyado for tagging me since ages...but i really didn't have time for this :

Se7en thinks I want\like to do:
Listen to music…all kinds of music, from the greatest classical pieces to the metal of Iron Maiden. From Fayroze to…no to no one…only AND ONLY Fayroze.
Reading.
Writing.
Playing my guitar.
I wanna improve my programming skills without getting bored!
Spending good times with Luji and Alloush my best friends and yeh…of course spend all the time if I could with my Adam.
Sit in my glassy room…while it’s raining out there, write something good…and listen to fayroze’s voice when mixed with the rain drops’ noise on the glass… with a glass of mateh…hehe lattakian!

Se7en things I don’t want/like to do:
I don’t wanna walk between ppl feeling that I’m walking between shadows!
Knowing that I’m being moody and as a result hurt someone.
Watch Arabian music channels.
Waste my time…then look back with a boohoo face on the wasted times!
I hate to be misunderstood.
Losing someone I really care about…
Tiding my closet.

Se7en things I say most often (with explanation):
tfooooooo 3aleek; shame on you, I almost say it all the time...
nashooo7; dirty, when someone does sth you don’t: agree with/like/know about…and all the treason acts…well it’s proudly a DAMDOM’s word…
Boohoo; how sad! With a sad face and accent (I say it because I’ve heard it a lot the past 10 months.)
baseeta baseeta; take it easy…I say it even when a disaster is coming!
What so ever!; I don’t give a shit…
hous ha!; shut up or else, I used it a lot when I was at high school to tease the boys :D
Cool; cool!!! I say it when I don’t wanna talk much about whatever.
Se7en people I would like to pass this tag to:
sold out...only because every body else already did it...

Eve's Diary...the end:

2005-11-14T16:32:00.000+02:00

Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and today: all without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome. I HAD to have a company, I was made for it, -I think- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn't been lonesome for me, ever. Lonesome!
No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them around-sometimes as much as four or five acres- you can't count them; I have seen a great deal of the world; almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant.The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must be a foreign language, cus I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am!
I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at first. I was ignorant at first. Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is delightful to have it that way; it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out, and I don't know but more so. The secret of the water was a treasure until I GOT it; then the excitement all went away, and I recognized a sense of loss. By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you know that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing it, for there isn't any way to prove it -up to now. But I shall find a way- then THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by and by when I have found out everything there won't be any more excitements, and I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was to search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank the Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to learn yet--I hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is. Of course it DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to? I suppose it is an optical illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know which one. It may be the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it is, I can only demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person take his choice. By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night. That sorrow will come I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on my memory, so that by and by when they are taken away I can by my fancy restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and make them sparkle again, and double them by the blur of my tears.

After the Fall: When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall not see it any more. The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate nature, and this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask myself why I love him, I find I do not know, and do not really much care to know. I love certain birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing, no, it is not that; the more he sings the more I do not get reconciled to it. Yet I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like everything he is interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could not stand it, but now I can.
It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get used to that kind of milk. It is not on account of his education that I love him, no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not so.
Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE, I think.He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE. There is no other reason, I suppose.

Forty Years Later :It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together, a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; and it shall be called by my name. But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me--life without him would not be life; now could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated. At Eve's Grave….

Dear reader if you’re ( a he or she...it doesn't matter!) reading these final lines…I really thank you for being very patient and I hope you didn’t get bored along the road to the end of this masterpiece…
And I hope you enjoyed it…

Eve's Diary Part3

2005-11-12T17:44:00.000+02:00

Sunday: It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were heavy days; I do not think of them when I can help it. I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw straight. I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and he says I shall come to harm; but if I came to harm through pleasing him, why shall I care for that harm?

Monday: This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest him. But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any other sound. He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart where the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is a treasure, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. . No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me with its sympathy; it says, "Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl; I will be your friend." It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. That first time that she forsook me! "She was all I had, and now she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I jumped into her arms! That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward.

Tuesday: All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and come. But he did not. At noon I stopped for the day and took my resting by flitting all around with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, those beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it!
He does not care for flowers. He called them rubbish, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky, is there anything he does care for!!! except building shelters to coop himself up in from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, and sampling the grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see how those properties are coming along? I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with another one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got an awful fright. A thin, transparent line rose out of the hole, and I dropped everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS so frightened! But I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned against a rock and rested,then I crept back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through-, but the sprite was gone.I went there, and there was a pinch of delicate pink dust in the hole. I put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH! and took it out again. It was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and by standing first on one foot and then the other,I presently eased my misery; then I was full of interest, and began to examine. I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I was as certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So without hesitation I named it the fire. I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new thing to the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was proud of my achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him about it, thinking to raise myself in his esteem, but I hesitated, and didn’t do it. No, he would not care for it. He would ask what it was good for, and what could I answer? If it was not GOOD for something, but only beautiful, merely beautiful… So I sighed, and did not go. I mean really, it wasn't good for anything; it could not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it was useless, it was foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I said, "Oh, you fire, I love you, you dainty pink creature, for you are BEAUTIFUL, and this is enough!" Then I made another axiom out of my head, though it was so nearly like the first one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: "THE BURNT EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE." When I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied it into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and keep it always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat out at me fiercely, so I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away like a cloud, and instantly I thought of the name of it-SMOKE!-though, upon my word, I had never heard of smoke before. Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I named them in an instant -FLAMES- and I was right, too, though these were the very first flames that had ever been in the world before. They climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing volume of smoke, and I had to clap my hands and laugh and dance, it was so new and strange and so wonderful and so beautiful! He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must ask; that was not my fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause he asked: "How did it come?" Another direct question and it also had to have a direct answer. "I made it." The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of the burned place and stood looking down, and said: "What are these?" "Fire-coals." He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down again.
Then he went away. NOTHING interests him. But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and pretty -I knew what they were at once-. And the embers; I knew the embers, too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all burst open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; they were better than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be useful, I think.

Friday: I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but only for a moment. I was hoping he would compliment me for trying to improve the estate, I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was not pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion-quite new-, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had already discovered-FEAR-. And it is horrible! I wish I had never discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, it makes me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade him, cus he hasn’t discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand me.

Getting in the talkshow about hijab

2005-11-05T19:37:00.000+02:00

I have my say in this too, I was willing to comment yazan , or roba about their own posts, but it was too long for a comment!
1- I do disrespect both al muhajabat and not ones; I do disrespect both men and women WHEN they’re disrespecting their big gift of being human beings.
2- I do hate to be disrespected because I don’t wear al-hijab and be called a b**** for being the normal girl I am “not pretending to be someone else whom I’m not!”, while I know “put a number from 1 to 10000” girls who wear hijab and their illusion is as clear as the sun, yet they’re the angels of this society. (That doesn’t mean that there aren’t angels between the rest of almuhajabat), and we’re the demons!
3- We’re wrapped, we’re meant to be followed by this myth that some people created, that the main difference is a piece of clothes…while deep inside is where the real difference is lying.
4- Al-hijab doesn’t protect one woman from being abused when walking down the street, if you’re thinking of protection as a main reason for why do women wear al-hijab. I was informed by one of my best friends, who went to Mecca to do al-3omrah that men were looking at women “who were wearing al khimar!” with desire….yeh at the holy mosque of Prophet Muhammad!!
5- It’s very important, that one should differentiate between what god’s holy book is about, and what those new “du3aat”= religion guiders, may bring to ones mind in a very professional- can’t be refused way of conviction. And don’t forget that we’re living in a world where everything can be sold for money…even people’s inner peace and soul.
6- When you don’t use this piece of shit you carry above your shoulders, that’s when you deserve to go to hell, and for me, it’s very important to test everything myself, and make sure it suites my values before I let anything take its way into my mind, on the other hand, wearing millions of covers means nothing when your mind is turned off.
7- As long as, men think its their right to look at girls with desire and say nasty stuff that makes one shakes, then go home and beat their sisters for listening to dancing music, we’re doing nothing here…and it’s a waste of time to talk about al-hijab….we need some more time I guess…
8- Traditions are something we must consider, it’s not that a woman mustn’t wear al-hijab because her mom does (we unconsciously help old people to cross the street because it’s something we grew up on, to respect the older, should we give up on this because it’s just a tradition?!), no this ain’t the part of tradition that should be repealed, it’s the part when they put in their children’s mind the idea that they’re superior to none-muhajbat.
9- Finally, Einstein’s relativity theory is a good example which proves that we’ll never get along with each other 100%, but again, it’s ok for me to argue with you, but it’s completely refused that you demean me for my own beliefs and values. Meaning; not because I don’t agree with you I must agree with you!!!.as ziad rahabany said in el3a2l zieneh…."سلمى: يعني إذا ما وافقت معك على رأيك، لازم وافق معك على رأيك؟!"
10- One last thing, there are so many un-solved issues we must start talking about to find ways to solve them, I mean while we’re talking about al-hijab, there’s a girl who’s being murdered by her family and still, it’s a crime in the name of honor in law!, there are brothers and sisters who are having sex together because they think nobody’s watching or no one will speak out loud about it, and because these girls still have this “ my brother won’t tell anyone about this!” idea in mind…and yes…there are children who are being raped by their religion teachers at some places!!! Hijab is not that big deal compared to those complicated, but existing, issues, our society is deeply sick…let’s try to wash these rubbishes away, instead of throwing them at each other.
Peace…in. and notice my blog address...

Slipping off the age…edge

2005-11-03T20:16:00.000+02:00

Eid’s morning: my daddy used to put our “3edieh” under our pillows and kiss us a very sweet kiss thinking that we’re sleeping like angels, and once he closes the door we jump and check our dear pennies…then we follow him to jump on his shoulders and kiss him a sweeter kiss…
Mom...the dearest ever, we used to kiss her forehead, listen to her “mubarakeh” thinking that every single word she’ll say will turn true…
Putting on our new beautiful eid’s clothes was my favorite part, then going to see relatives…even this mission used to cheer us…
Buying candies…and kites…flying them…and flying with them…
Coming back home totally exhausted…sleeping like angels again…
GOD!!! What happened to that lil gurl I used to be?? Where is she?? I know she’s hiding somewhere inside…but it’s fogy in there…lots of clouds preventing her from getting to the surface…I mean daddy did the same thing today, but I didn’t feel his kisses! I went to bed about 4am yesterday…because I’m having troubles and I can’t sleep well these days, so I was sleeping like a pig…I know they say this about food “eating like a pig” but nah…for me it is perfectly ok to use it this way, and finally when I woke up they weren’t home “my parents”…
A mug of Nescafe and a piece of nestle chocolate, instead of the special “tea and Ma’amoul and 3ajweh” breakfast…
Turning on the T.V, because it’s kinda habit, it’s already on al-jazeerah ch, “dom…ta’ah…deijjj…booovvvvvvvvvvvvvv”, if you’re thinking that these are the usual children’s plastic- guns noise…sorry to disappoint you…they’re definitely not!! Thry’re real bombs…blowing ppl in Spain in a second and others in Iraq the next second…
A “Syria” word dropped my attention to the box again… but it’s not the lovely Syrian national and folkloric songs we used to enjoy every eid…no… they’re talking about reconsidering the Syrian issue at the Security Council...
Putting on the clothes…not the new ones…because I don’t have any, we’re buying new clothes all year long… eid’s clothes mean nothing to us anymore, but I can do with my Mickey jeans…
A relative is calling…let that phone rings forever I’m not answering it…relatives mean nothing to me anymore…
I leave home…aimlessly…not being able to buy a smile, money can’t buy one, so I decide to draw a smile on someone’s face…give a poor man every penny I have, and now I have to go home walking…kites are still flying in the sky...but none is mine.
Coming back home exhausted, not physically…but mentally…
Why I can’t push that little gurl to the surface?!
Why did I have to give up on her? I miss her…I need her; I badly need her innocence, purity and carelessness.
I wish I can go back to those days when we slept like angels…

SLEEP..

2005-10-31T01:06:00.000+02:00

Hmm…I woke up this morning and the same embarrassing question was my “good morning” to me….do I put on my clothes and go to my univ.? let’s see what do we have 2day or should I say what is left for the day… because it was 9:30, my attempts to find my college’s schedule reached a blocked door…but GOD…a sunny morning is waiting for me…gotta catch up with it…and I said what da heck?! I’ll go to the library try to knock down some of my studying mountains, and that’s what I did…took my cd-player…and nothing but Poets of The Fall’s “Signs of Life” album, headed to the library…bought my coffee, a smile was upon my face… “ I’m gonna have fun 2day” this is what I heard myself telling me…let yesterday go to hell…actually it already went there, but you can’t go that far with such an optimistic-positive attitude, little bothering things always find some way to spoil the freewill of mine… “Through your coffee away…this is a library not a cafeteria”, was the first pain in the ass, but that couldn’t fickle my already in mind vision of my day, so I started to study, when some of my best friends came in…didn’t say hi…heh!!! What da hell is wrong with him? Let go gurl… “sa7tek bel denieh” I told myself…I got on with my studying again…to find out that I can’t get anything anymore! Why? I still don’t have an answer…but it wasn’t the coffee…it wasn’t my friend’s neglecting either.
I gathered my pieces and left the library and surprise!! It was raining!! Oh just another sign that I HAVE to blow one last breeze at my day’s blazes before they die, so I took it my way…put my earphones…turned on the machine while walking under the rain…smelling the ground’s special rainy smell, watching how beautiful Lattakia sometimes can be…I can’t write down the questions I carried home after this journey, I forgot half of them. Going with my sister to her “physical therapy” couldn’t make my day much better…going to my guitar lesson was a break… then finally going to one of my school friend’s birthday was really all that I need! GoSh!!! Sitting to people I only meet once a year, and others I don’t even know… “What Are You Doing Here For Heaven’s Sake??!!”…maybe everybody else had fun…but I couldn’t put on a smiley face as usual, though I did when taking photos, the sign this time was “ Screw this day”, so I declared “ Just Another Bad Day Is Over”…I’m writing this while listening to “Sleep”…thinking about my Adam…dear if you’re reading this “ if not, why?!”…
I just want you to know that I spent the last night singing this “Sleep” song to you…hoping you hear me …feel me, though it’s miles between, but it’s only a map thingy as we always believed, and I wanna dedicate it once again to you, I’ll be waiting when this -bad phase- is gone, I just hope it won’t last for too long…because I miss you…and:
Hear your heartbeat Beat a frantic pace
And it's not even seven AM
You're feeling the rush of anguish settling
You cannot help showing them in.
So hurry up then
Or you'll fall behind
and They will take control of you
And you need to heal
The hurt behind your eyes
Fickle words crowding your mind
So…Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in,
Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within.
Sleep, sweetie, let your floods come rushing in,
And carry you over to a new morning
Try as you might You try to give it up
Seems to be holding on fast
It's hand in your hand A shadow over your
A beggar for soul in your face
Still it don't matter
If you won't listen
If you won't let them follow you
You just need to heal
Make good all your lies
Move on and don't look behind
Day after day
Fickle visions
Messing with your head
Fickle vicious
Sleeping in your bed
Messing with your head
Fickle visions Fickle vicious…

What Do You Think??

2005-10-31T00:56:00.000+02:00

Share your mind with us,
And please if there are other options I’ve missed let me know…because for me I couldn’t think of another thing…there are lots of details that you may think about, but we can put them all in all under those three titles:

what of the options below, you think is the closest?
	Wind (hurricane) of change (a major regime change or even the regime behavior)
	Sanctions to be adopted by the Security Council…tomorrow the 25 of oct…
	Iraqi scenario to be repeated (considering many facts can lead to put this option on the roof)

Free polls from Pollhost.com

SURPRISE!!!

for my surprise the result is 50% to both the first and the second options...hmm i didn't think that so many ppl will think that the regime will fall down...thanx to everyone who shared this with me...i'll discuss this in other post...not now cuz am not in mood for politics..

Eve's Diary Part2

2005-10-24T01:07:00.000+02:00

Sunday: It is up there yet. Resting, apparently. But that is a subterfuge: Sunday isn't the day of rest; Saturday is appointed for that. It looks to me like that creature is more interested in resting than anything else. It would tire me to rest so much. It tires me just to sit around and watch the tree. I do wonder what it is for; I never see it do anything!!!They returned the moon last night, and I was SO happy! I think it is very generous of them. It slid down and fell off again, but I was not distressed; there is no need to worry when one has that kind of neighbors I do; they will fetch it back. I wish I could do something to show my appreciation. I would like to send them some stars, we do have more than we can use. I mean “I”, not “we”, cus I can see that the reptile gives a shit for stuff like these!! It has low tastes, and is not kind. When I went there yesterday evening in the gloaming it had crept down and was trying to catch the little fishes that play in the pool, and I had to clod it to make it go up the tree again and let them alone. I wonder if THAT is what it is for!! Doesn’t it have any heart? Hasn't it any compassion for those little creatures? Can it be that it was designed and manufactured for such ungentle work? It has the look of it. One of the clods took it back of the ear, and it used a language. It gave me a thrill, for it was the first time I had ever heard a speech, except my own of course. I did not understand the words, but they seemed expressive. When I found it could talk I felt a new interest in it, for I love to talk; I talk, all day, and in my sleep, too, and I am very interesting, but if I had another to talk to I could be twice as interesting, and would never stop, if desired. If this reptile is a man, it isn't an “IT”, is it? That wouldn't be grammatical, right? I think it would be “HE”. I think so. Well, I will consider it a man and call it “he” until it turns out to be something else. This will be handier than having so many doubts.

A Week After: All the week I tagged around after him and tried to get to know him better. I had to do the talking, because he was shy, but I didn't mind it. He seemed pleased to have me around, and I used the sociable "WE" a good deal, because it seemed to flatter him to be included.

Wednesday: We are getting along very well indeed, now, and getting better and better acquainted. He does not try to avoid me any more, which is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. That pleases me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to increase his regard. During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, cus he has no gift in that line, and he’s very grateful. He can't think of a rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an awkward silence. In this way I have saved him many embarrassments. I have no defect like this. The minute I set eyes on an animal I know what it is. I don't have to reflect a moment; the right name comes out instantly, just as if it were an inspiration, no doubt it is, cus I am sure I didn’t know it half a minute before. I seem to know just by the shape of the creature and the way it acts, what animal it is. When the dodo came along he thought it was a wildcat, I saw it in his eye. But I saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that could hurt his pride. I just spoke up in a quite natural way of pleasing surprise, and not as if I was dreaming of conveying information, and said, "Well, I do declare, if there isn't the dodo!" I explained -without seeming to be explaining-how I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little annoyed that I knew the creature when he didn't, it was quite evident that he admired me. That was very agreeable, and I thought of him more than once with gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it! Thursday: my first sorrow!! Yesterday he avoided me and seemed to wish I would not talk to him. I could not believe it, and thought there was some mistake, I mean…I loved to be with him, and loved to hear him talk, and so how could it be that he could feel unkind toward me when I had not done anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat lonely in the place where I first saw him the morning that we were made and I did not know what he was and wasn’t concerned about him; but now it was a sad place, and every little think spoke of him, and my heart was very sore. I did not know why very clearly, it was a new feeling; I had not experienced it before, and it was all a mystery and I could not make it out. But when night came I could not bear the loneliness, and went to the new shelter which he has built, to ask him what I had done that was wrong and how I could mend it and get back his kindness again; but he put me out in the rain, and it was my first sorrow.

Eve's Diary...at last!

2005-10-19T01:13:00.000+02:00

Saturday: I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday, that is as it seems to me. And it must be so, for if there was a day-before-yesterday I was not there when it happened, or I should remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I was not noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best to start right and not let the record get confused, my instinct tells me that these details are going to be important to the historian some day. For I feel like an experiment, I feel exactly like an experiment; it would be impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do, and so I am coming to feel convinced that that is what I AM--an experiment; just an experiment, and nothing more. Then if I am an experiment, am I the whole of it? No, I think not; I think the rest of it is a part of. I am the main part of it, but I think the rest of it has its share in the matter. Is my position assured, or do I have to watch it and take care of it? The latter, perhaps. Some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price of supremacy. [That is a good phrase, I think, for one so young.] Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of finishing up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, and some of the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that the aspects were quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art should not be subjected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly marvelously near to being perfect, considering the shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be fixed presently, no doubt. The moon got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme… a very great loss; it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn't another thing among the ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again!But of course there is no telling where it went to. And besides, whoever gets it will hide it; I know it because I would do it myself. I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and center of my nature is love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know I had it. I could give up a moon that I found in the daytime, because I should be afraid some one was looking; but if I found it in the dark, I am sure I should find some kind of an excuse for not saying anything about it. For I do love moons, they are so pretty and so romantic. I wish we had five or six; I would never go to bed; I should never get tired lying on the moss-bank and looking up at them. Stars are good, too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I will never... you would be surprised to find how far they are, because they look closer. When they first showed, last night, I tried to knock some down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which astonished me; then I tried clods till I was all tired out, but I never got one. It was because I am left-handed and cannot throw well. Even when I aimed at the one I wasn't after… I couldn't hit it, though I did make some close shots, cus I saw the black blot of the clod sail right into the midst of the golden clusters forty or fifty times, just barely missing them, and if I could have held out a little longer maybe I could have got one. So I cried a little, which was natural, I suppose, for one of my age, and after I rested I got a basket and started for a place on the extreme rim of the circle, where the stars were close to the ground and I could get them with my hands, which would be better, anyway, because I could gather them tenderly then, and not break them. But it was farther than I thought, and at last I had to give it up; I was so tired I couldn't drag my feet another step; and besides, they were sore and hurt me very much. I couldn't get back home; it was too far and turning cold; but I found some tigers and nestled in among them and were most adorably comfortable, and their breath was sweet and pleasant, because they live on strawberries. I had never seen a tiger before, but I knew them in a minute by the stripes.
Today I am getting better ideas about distances. I was so eager to get hold of every pretty thing that I giddily grabbed for it, sometimes when it was too far off, and sometimes when it was but six inches away but seemed a foot…alas!!, with thorns between! I learned a lesson; also I made an axiom, all out of my own head, my very first one; THE SCRATCHED EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE THORN. I think it is a very good one for one so young. I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a distance, to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able to make out. I think it is a man. I had never seen a man before, but it looked like one, and I feel sure that is what it is. I realized that I feel more curiosity about it than about any of the other reptiles. If it is a reptile, and I suppose it is; for it has frowzy hair and blue eyes, and looks like a reptile. It has no hips; it tapers like a carrot; when it stands, it spreads itself apart like a derrick; so I think it is a reptile, though it may be architecture. I was afraid of it at first, and started to run every time it turned around, I thought it was going to chase me; but by and by I found it was only trying to get away, so after that I was not timid any more, but tracked it along, several hours, about twenty yards behind, which made it nervous and unhappy. At last it was a good deal worried, and climbed a tree. I waited a good while, then gave it up and went home. Today the same thing over... I've got it up the tree again.

My Black & White Coll..

2005-10-17T14:30:00.000+02:00

Summer rain never brings spring!!

2005-10-12T11:52:00.000+02:00

Summer rain is special...summer rain is something unusual ...BUT hello! Summer rain always comes at the wrong time… can't you see??!!
listen to all those BIG titles "Damascus’ spring...Beirut’s spring....Arabian spring”....it’s not a lie as usual this time...but if you’re smart enough you'll know it’s the spring that summer rain brings here...which is...NO spring...it's autumn if you wanna take it like this, all the decisions that are being made and all the promises that are being took are simply summer rain’s...it's always a summer rain in here...
I long for a real rain...the rain that will wipe all this dirt around...…and you know what they say about spring’s special natural perfumes, Well all I can smell is blood….and napalm….but I can smell anger within…. I can see those spring’s rivers but they’re red…
What kind of flowers you’re expecting after such rain?? Nothing but some bloody poisonous flowers…..
So they promise you spring ….and you sell your…everything…your country -the dearest-…your principles...your beliefs…and your soul….spring is worth it…
And suddenly your walking down the life of yours….and it’s raining…a very black heavy rain washes you from top to foot… goodbye to conscious…goodbye to fear….goodbye to your red pure heart welcome to your dark dirty one….
Don’t cry…you asked for a spring…you asked the wrong ppl unfortunately…. Why to cry anyway?? You don’t have to be afraid from this minute on…you don’t have a country to worry about…you’re conscious is dead, you’ve got nothing to lose ….and this is a very painful fact…TO GAIN YOU HAVE TO LOSE this is what life teaches you…but now you lost many things and gained nothing in return….because you are stupid….you are being cheated …you’re being hanged by your own hands…
And no matter how long you wait…..summer rain will never carry spring to you…
So t3eesh w takol 3’ayrha…dear citizen

Btw:it's been along time ha...but it's always my modem's fault...
i'll be back soon...with the rest of Mark Twain's, and the rest of my storm...

Adam's Diary Part 2...

2005-09-26T00:42:00.000+03:00

Wednesday: I had fun, I ran away last night, but as soon as the sun rose, and while I was riding my horse, suddenly all the animals exploded with a terrifying anger and started to kill each other, and I knew immediately that Eve has eaten the apple, and that death has entered the world, I hardly found my way out….then when I saw her, she was all covered with leaves! And when I asked what da hell is she aiming for and then took those things off her body, she smiled and her face turned red, it was silly….she said that I will experience her feelings very soon, I was so hungry so I ate a bite or two from the apple, soon I covered myself with leaves and told her to do the same again…
A royal order has been declared, we have to work in order to live….

One year later: we named him Kabeel, he’s very similar to us, but the difference in size leads me to think that he’s a new kind of animals, a fish maybe, when I put him in the water he sank down, and she came and got him out, I sill believe he’s a fish, but she will never let me finish my experiments on him, she thinks of him more than she did with other animals before, sometimes she holds the fish in her arms when it starts to complain, and she speaks in a strange harmonic way, and then it stops nagging….

Sunday: she doesn’t work on Sundays, instead, she lies all the time, playing with the fish, and making a silly noise that makes the fish laughs, I’ve never seen a fish that laughs before!! And this is confusing me...Hmmm…

Three months later: the confusion is doubled now; he stopped sleeping on his back and started crawling…

Two months later: he’s continuing to grow up, I’ve never seen a fish that grows up this fast! He’s got a fur on his head now, just like our hair but it’s softer, he cries a lot now, I think he misses his fellows, I wish I can find another animal so that he can feel home!

A month later: I checked his mouth, there’s no danger so far, he’s got only one tooth, and he doesn’t have a tail yet, once there’re more teeth in his mouth, it’s gonna be the right time to knock him out, whether he has a tail or not, he doesn’t need a tail to be dangerous enough!!!!
Four months later: I was hunting in the woods, meanwhile, he learnt to walk alone, he also can say ‘poopa & mooma’, he’s from a new species for sure, and this ‘talk talent’ must be by accident.

Three months later: I was away for hunting, and guess what! I came back to find out that she brought another one, maybe I would have searched the forest for years before I could find this thing…

The very next day: I’ve been comparing the older one to the newer, it’s obvious that they’re the same kind, the older one is more kind, he can laugh and talk as the parrot, I’ll be surprised if I discovered that he’s a new kind of parrots, though I shouldn’t be! Cus so far he’s been everything I can think of, a fish… a bear…, we named the newer one Habeel.

Ten years later: they’re boys; we knew this many years ago, but the small size they came in! Man that was confusing, we weren’t used to such small human beings! Habeel is a good boy, but Kabeel…. Oh I wish he never grew up…
After all this years, I was wrong about Eve, living outside heavens doors with her is much better than living in heaven without her, I used to hate her voice, but now I can’t imagine life without it, god bless the apple that made us closer, and taught me to respect her sweet heart and great soul!!!!

Adam's Diary part1

2005-09-22T00:53:00.000+03:00

i think this book "Adam and Eve's diary and other stories" by Mark Twain is just so funny...away from the same boring holy books' thing...hope u like it..

Monday: this new creature with its long hair is always after me…and I don’t like this because I’m not used to hang out with a company, I want this thing to stay with other animals. It’s windy, and I think we’re gonna witness some rain today… ‘WE’!!!! Where did I get this word from?? Oh I remember now…the new creature uses it.

Wednesday: I built a shelter for me, but couldn’t keep it for myself, the new creature interfered, when I tried to keep it outside, water started to come out the couple of holes it sees with, and it wiped the water with its hands, making a noise just like when some sort of animals make when they’re annoyed. I hope this thing will stop talking soon…it never stops!!!

Saturday: this new creature eats a lot of fruit, we’re certainly gonna be in lack of food soon, WE…again. This thing’s word!! And my word now… cuz I’ve heard it a lot so far!!

Sunday: barley ended… today I saw it trying to get the apples from the banned tree…

Monday: the new creature says its name is Eve, this is ok with me, he says I should call him when I need him, and I told him that was too much for me... He says that he’s not a HE but a SHE, and I don’t really care much about this...all I know is that I want this thing to stay away from me!

Saturday: I ran away last Tuesday, I built a shelter for me somewhere very far, but she found me with the help of a monster she’d like to call a “WOLF”, and she came with the same pathetic noise pouring water from the holes, I had to go back with her, but as soon as I get the chance to run away I will vanish, she keeps thinking about silly things, for example she’s asking why the animals – she calls them tigers and lions- have to eat grass while they have teeth in their mouths, what makes them able to eat each other as she says!!
This is ridiculous!! I mean if they ate each other, then they would have killed each other, and this - as I see- brings what is called DEATH….

Sunday: she fell in the lake last night, while she was looking at her picture in the water!! She always does so…, she didn’t feel well, and that’s why she said she feels sorry for the animals – she calls them FISH – who live there, she’s stupid anyway, she brought some of them and put them on my bed to warm them!! But I’ve noticed that they didn’t seem happier than before maybe more content, I’ll throw them away... I will not sleep with them again in the same bed, because they’re slippery...

Tuesday: she’s into a snake, other animals are happy now, because she was always testing them, I’m happy myself! Cuz this snake can talk…that will give me a break at last!

Friday: she says that the snake told her to try some apples, and that the result will be a great deal of knowledge, I told her that the consequence will be something else, it will only bring DEATH to world, and I think I should have kept my mouth shut, cuz she finally found an answer to the animals’ teeth issue, and that they will be happy if she ate those apples, I told her to stay away from that tree, but she didn’t want to listen, I think we’re gonna have a problem… I’ll just run away…

coming up...what's left of adam's diary and...Eve's diary....
yallah holy crap!!

Can I Call This A 'POEM'??!!

2005-09-20T01:14:00.000+03:00

don't know how i wrote this, but i know that i JUST LOVE IT!!!

While the wall's height increased,
And when the future cannot be conceived,
When every one is indiscreet,
When you don’t know; do you deceive??
Or you just pray for god so that they conceal??
We used to ask for the truth to be revealed,
But what a big defeat!!
While watching zombies conceit...
In a world where we’re the sheep…
And the shepherds mislead,
I wish someday I’ll be released,
Or you know? From my prison will I mind to sneak!!
And then go somewhere overseas…
I may end up a pioneer,
But in that mysterious sphere,
I guess my storm will proceed,
At least rocks may hear my scream,
And I wish they’re not like they seem,
Behind them I’ll take a seat,
And I wish to them I can speak,
Will they have the answers for my fears??
Deep inside, there’s something I wanna hear;
Let there be peace!
That’s when I can go to sleep,
And for the first time; I won’t be afraid to sneeze,
And my brain cells won’t be squeezed,
Instead, wounds will be healed,
But I’ll have to hide somewhere near,
Because I think; to my sphere they will speed,
With their bad habit and eager to steal,
And watch me while I bleed,
On the rocks they will read;
‘Have a seat please!!
In this place your just queers’
Did you think you can stop the wheel??
Then you must be really weird,
To break our dreams you seek,
But in this world you’re just freaks,
Make a wish before this world you leave,
‘Don’t you think you’re being mean??’
I may be one indeed,
But at least, I didn’t claim to be a dean;
And then looked the girls in leer!
Surround them rocks, don’t be meek!
And when they’re in, never unleash…
Until they no more breathe,
While watching their blood leak,
With you blogmates dear,
I’ll have the toast of succeed,
Oops I spilt my beer…
That’s when I woke up wondering; did I wet my sheet??
Or they’re just my tears??
So was it all a dream??
If so…oh how sweet!
When I hear the noise from the street,
I know that I’m back for real,
And the questions I keep,
Will these dead rules repeal….
Will I ever forgive, the greatest Adam & Eve?!
I think I’ll go back to sleep!!!
Wake me when the 2nd of December is here,
I wanna celebrate my birthday the nineteenth…

Snoopy !!!!The Dearest Ever....

2005-09-17T19:01:00.000+03:00

JUST LOVE THIS SHOW!!

A sign from a bursting Bush

2005-09-16T16:19:00.000+03:00

the guardian unlimited :He may be considered the most powerful human being on earth, but it is comforting to see that the US president is just a man, after all: during Wednesday's UN summit, George Bush suddenly found himself needing to answer a call of nature, writes Rosalind Ryan.
So how does a US president ask for permission to leave the room when the eyes of the world are upon him? Did he put his hand up and ask: "Please, sir, can I go to the toilet?" - to which the answer from the secretary-general, Kofi Annan, should have been: "George, it's not 'can'; it's 'may' I go to the toilet."
Did he decide to sit it out until the bell rang? No, he scribbled a note in class to his secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, asking for her advice. "I think I MAY NEED A BATHROOM break? Is this possible?" he wrote. But it's still not known whether Mr Bush got his wish, as the White House has refused to comment on the issue.

ZOMBIES ARE ROAMING OUR PLANET....

2005-09-16T06:55:00.000+03:00

Another head hangs lowlyChild is slowly takenAnd the violence caused such silenceWho are we mistaken But you see it's not me,
it's not my familyIn your head,
in yourhead they are fighting
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head in your head,
in your head they are cryin'
In your head Zombie
What's in your head,
in your head Zombie
Another mother's breakin'
heart is taking over
when the violence causes silence
We must be mistaken
It's the same old theme since 1916
In your head,
in your head they're still fightin'
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head
In your head they are dyin'
In your head,
in your head Zombie
What's in your head,
in your headZombie (by The Cranberries)

SILVADOR DALLI

2005-09-15T02:34:00.000+03:00

Me in damascus

2005-09-14T13:36:00.000+03:00

Day 1: arriving, the rock concert “ZODIAC”, the Syrian bloggers, happiness….
Day 2: Carlton hotel, wedding party, sucks ….
Day 3: 3 hours of heaven, with the only one I DO care about….beautiful day…
Day 4: Beit Gabri’s restaurant, oriental night….water pipe…. The old city at night….another beautiful day...
Day 5: aimless with my best friend Ali in the oldest city asking everybody about directions...the Happy Land craziness… doing sth I’ll never do again which is playing the scissor game … god!!! Man is stupid…. Bad day in general
Day 6: back home, alone again, crying silently all the way back, missing everything (even me), wondering, crying some more… bad, awful, bleeding …..ewwwwwwwwwwww

i've been tagged too!!!!

2005-08-31T20:12:00.000+03:00

10 years ago: I had this asthma problem, spending most of the time in hospitals, being a daddy’s gurl, always having my hair cut very short….having my first diary, I still have it..can u believe that at the age of 8 my favorite artist was Celine Dion!! Guess I was very quiet and shy, being the football team captain (born leader!!)…

5 years ago: I was 13…guess I was at 8th grade, kinda hard working student…
And yes…. I remember that day now…..when somebody came over to school and gave us some papers asking – obligating- us to sign them, most of us did…. And I guess none of us even read it…. We were told to do some thing and as cute polite lovely children we did…. No matter what was written in those papers, we SIGNED ….stupid me signed (I didn’t even know what PARTY means - guess I had birthday parties only-), 13 years old children, persuaded to sign some papers…and now it’s the party of TWO Million members!!!!!

1 year ago: BAKALORIA, shocked, a lot of thoughts about religion, politics and a lot of music played all the time, gaining weight, having my first piece of art on my wall….yeh it’s painted by one of my friends and he’s very good, losing friends….making new ones, listening to a lot of spiritual music (Greek music, sound of civilization, samir kwaifaty and many others), drinking a lot of mateh (studying atmosphere) - that leads to a lot of toilet visits-

Tomorrow: I try not to think much about it, I’m -up to the minute- girl …but since tomorrow is Thursday I guess I should say sth about this…because Thursday has been my favorite day for years, it’s the day when my friends and I used to hang out, somehow it became a rule, every Thursday is ours, literary; no parents, no study, no one else but us, I LOVE THRUSDAYS!!

5 snacks I enjoy: cheeseburger, Russian salad, my very special - classified- fruit salad, chocolates, fatoosh.

5 bands & artists I like: The Cranberries, Placebo, Pink Floyd, Ziad Al-rahbany, and Creed.

5 Things I'd do with $100.000.000: spend some on my anti-dentists campaign, take one of these spaceships tour, spend some on books…a lot on musical concerts, and who knows …build my own techno land …

5 places I would run away to: my parents’ village house, Siberia, Paris, Greece, and Malaysia.

5 bad habits I have: messy messy messy, not sleeping in my own bed no matter what…. Cuz I’m awake most of the time, moody enough to behave nasty with whoever when I’m in a bad mood, rushy sometimes, spending most of my time sitting to my P.C, and addicted to water pipe& solitaire card game …boohoo

5 things I like doing: playing my guitar, listening to music, reading, blogging, looking at the sky…
5 things I will never wear: I will never wear NOTHING and go out….. I will refuse wearing our high school uniform again….

5 T.V shows I like: Survivor, 20\20, 60 minutes, Becker, TOM&JERY for sure..

5 people I’d like to meet: Bell Clinton, Liz Marie Prissily, Paulo Koelho, Chris Martine, and Michel Moore.

5 movies I like: The Mona Lisa Smile, Eyes Wide Shut, Till Human Voices Awake Us, American Beauty, Devil’s advocate.

5 biggest joys at the moment: a painful week had just finished , losing weight, playing my first meaningful guitar piece, finally read the Da Vinci Code, Summer is over= hot +moist are over …

Dentists hurt too!!!

2005-08-31T12:10:00.000+03:00

I’m gonna start it like this *I HATE DENTISTS* , I really do, it was a painful week…. Well u know this thing about seeing stars in the afternoon? I saw them, back to last Monday:
-going to the f***ing dentist with my bestfriend, ready to be injected with the TALLEST syringe I’ve ever seen…. Sitting in the so called dentist’s chair but in fact it’s an electric chair!!!
- So my mouth turned into its biggest size ever….. and yehhhhh here he goes… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz with his weird machine…digging my teeth and telling me (YELLING AT ME) to open my mouth so that he can take out his hand…. I captured it in my mouth and never let go…hehehe…u deserve it ur freaky diggy …
- If those ancients used to need 32 teeth to eat meat…WhY Da HeLl Do We NeEd AlL Of Em while living in the 21st century??!!! what’s wrong with corn flakes and milk ?! ….. do we need those 4 extra teeth…we call em in Arabic “brain teeth” I dunno if it’s the same in English….n I can’t get it why they call em so?? Brain??!!!! They mean brainless from this minute on… and most of the time there’s no spare place for them so they rudely push other teeth and cause a lot of damage….and finally u have to take em off!!!!!! What a Weird progress!!!
- now he’s trying to take off my brain tooth ( and what is left of my brain)…but nah… mission invalid …. It refuses to get out…it’s planted 10 miles deep inside… and there gonna be a battle in my mouth before it declares the surrender ….Hooop it’s out and so are my tears….my face is completely wet , my mouth is somewhere else…and that big tall BRAIN TOOTH is out but….where is it?? It’s lost in his crowded clinic, well it’s a fighter ....
- “now u can go home….don’t eat anything but ice-cream 2day..* yehhhhhhhhhh* me thinking , the pain will stop in a couple of days…*stupid me believed him*”
- my best friend alloush’s smiling ….being a good home guide and answering my daddy when he called, u won’t believe it how mean they are those guys….
Alloush: well yeh he took it off…
Dad:…..
Alloush: ahmmm…. Of course she can’t talk, he kinda shut her mouth…
Dad:……
Alloush: see how lucky …couple of weeks of not hearing her voice ….that means heaven in your home for couple of weeks …
Dad:….
Alloush: ok I’ll take care of her….
-*u think this little thing will stop me from talking….ur dreaming…n I’m goona show u real heaven ..* me thinking again….and smiling to Alloush….
- I thought it was over….but heh…it was only the beginning ….. the next couple of days were like hell.. taking a medicine that I’ll never forget its taste, taking another three syringes ….couldn’t sit well….couldn’t eat even that ice-cream ….waking up with my right cheek swollen and looking like a balloon …. Thpeaking *speaking* like this…. I mith *miss* ya honey, I’m alil bit thick* sick*…..and tho *so* on…
- now after a week it still hurts but not that much….. n I have to take off the silks from my mouth but I don’t have the courage to go there again…..
- not being able to blog was my real pain….
- I’m gonna start an anti-dentists campaign….if u wanna join send me an e-mail….
“StOp tHoSe TeRrOrIsTs –DeNtIsTs- FoR tHe SaKe Of HuMaNiTy”

Wanted dead or alive Conspiracy Theory

2005-08-17T12:29:00.000+03:00

We’re in debt because of Conspiracy Theory (C.T)
Our football team couldn’t win against Brazil because of C.T
Students fail their subjects in our universities because of…..oh yeh C.T
Rafeek Haririe , Samir Kaseer and George Hawi were killed by C.T
We’re still livin within the emergency law because of C.T
We can’t move forward an inch because of C.T
Streets are dirty because of C.T
Ppl can’t find jobs cuz of C.T

No matter what your problem is, …don’t hesitate ..u know who’s to blame…
our dearest Conspiracy Theory….
Everytime ppl talk about it I just can’t help myself laughing, it seems that we’re really under this C.T’s charm, because we’re so weak that we can’t stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves that …”ok I’ve made a mistake , it’s my fault , I’ll try to fix it cuz I broke it”
No, none of us tried to blame him\her self for doing something bad, we always find a way to runaway from our image in this mirror of facts….and they published this C.T myth , and our society was the good mommy…. Will baby bury the mommy????

VIVA MAURITANIA

2005-08-06T11:15:00.000+03:00

Oh yeh….I hope everything goes fine there… till this minute the president has been kicked away and the military forces is handling everything so well(as it seems), but I have to say that takin the advantage of King Fahd death and banning the president from touching the Mauritanian’s soil is brilliant …… go on guys we’re all learnin something here… I think that lots of the Arab leaders will consider leaving their royal palaces from this minute….
And I really hope that those new ppl can make it to Mauritanian people
I FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!(but alil bit content )

Sleepless in Lattakia

2005-08-01T16:32:00.000+03:00

just couldn't get a sleep in three days now...... another morning has come...gotta tell ya that only sitting in a glass room n watching your day begins makes u forget that ur sleepy ..and that ur face is yellow with a couple of black circles.....the best virsion of me ever...
yallah gotta run now

Paulo Coelho's Maktub part 2:

2005-08-01T07:42:00.000+03:00

4-The master met one night with his disciples, and asked them to build a campfire so they could sit and talk. "The spiritual path is like a fire that burns before us," he said. "A man who wants to light the fire has to bear with the disagreeable smoke that makes it difficult for him to breathe, and brings tears to his eyes. That is how his faith is rediscovered. However, once the fire is rekindled, the smoke disappears, and the flames illuminate everything around him -- providing heat and tranquility." "But what if someone else lights the fire for him?" asked one of the disciples. "And if someone helps us to avoid the smoke?" "If someone does that, he is a false master. A master capable of taking the fire to wherever he desires, or of extinguishing it whenever he wants to do so. And, since he has taught no one how to light the fire, he is likely to leave everyone in the darkness."

5-The master says: "Close your eyes. Or even with your eyes open, imagine the following scene: a flock of birds on the wing. Now, tell me how many birds you saw: Five? Eleven? Sixteen?" Whatever the response -- and it is difficult for someone to say how many birds were seen -- one thing becomes quite clear in this small experiment. You can imagine a flock of birds, but the number of birds in the flock is beyond your control. Yet the scene was clear, well-defined, exact. There must be an answer to the question. Who was it that determined how many birds should appear in the imagined scene? Not you!

6-The master says: "My dear fellow, I have to tell you something that you perhaps don't know. I have been thinking about how to make this news less difficult to hear -- how to paint it in brighter colors, add to it promises of Paradise, visions of the Absolute, provide esoteric explanations -- but they do not apply. "Take a deep breath, and prepare yourself. I have to be blunt, and I assure you, I am absolutely certain of what I'm telling you. It is an infallible prediction, without any doubt whatsoever. "It's the following: you are going to die”. "It may be tomorrow or fifty years from now, but -- sooner or later --you are going to die. Even if you would rather not. Even if you have other plans. "Think carefully about what you are going to do today. And tomorrow. And with the rest of your life."

c'est la vie......chill out

finally something to be famous of!!!!

2005-08-01T06:58:00.000+03:00

I passed by a relative few weeks ago, while walking down the streets of this dead city , well he couldn’t recognize me …n I wasn’t very surprised or disappointed….but I felt sorry for him… he was talking to himself and pointing to –almost- everyone down there…
The poor man was a communist -and still – so he went to jail in the 80’s n never got his FREEDOM -or to say…his MOVING…from the small official jail into the bigger faked one.- back until the year 2000, he was full of hope back in time….and now he’s a …sorry but a lunatic…. I guess he should be one!!!!….after all he was in a Syrian prison n I guess most of u know what that suppose to mean, few days ago I watched the "60 Minutes" show on MBC4, and they were talking about a Syrian immigrant who’s considered a Canadian citizen now, his name is Maher Irar , so he was captured at an American airport and he was charged of being a member of Al-Qaeda …. , anyway despite the lake of evidences , he was sent to…SYRIA…. To be tortured …..cuz “ Syria is famous of its terrifying jail laws and all the Syrian jails are just -A 5 star hotel- and documentaries prove it “ as one of Maher Irar’s lawyers said…… so now we’re famous of something guys…and the whole world knows about it….thanks to MBC4,60 Minutes and Syrian officers at the first place…without ya guys we would have been nerds….so ..so ..so we’re useful somehow…The American fellows can benefit of us , and stupid me I thought we were useless….keep up surprising us Syria …
I think I lost track…I was talking about my relative, after all the problems he had to face, he’s an active net-writer, I’ve heard that he’s writing a book …. Well I wonder if they set him free because they couldn’t afford the medicines’ bills..
Well I guess it’s enough …there’s 1396 political prisoners in the Syrian jails – according to the ( Arab Human Rights Organization…the 2004 report) – and they’re providing them with more and more ppl everyday….

out of nothing at all..

2005-07-31T00:31:00.000+03:00

Well, gotta decide now …when n where to stop??
God..what is wrong with me ??!!
Why I just get lost while heading to nowhere??
N why to feel that I’m gonna bump into someone when “my shadow is the only one who walks beside me”…
Why to feel stuck… when I’m in the middle of..actually nothing?!….
being afraid of nothing!!!!!… expecting something from no one!!!!!
Well hell me….I gotta know….gotta crash into a wall which might wakes me up with swollen red eyes…n bloody face…n broken bones …but into somewhere…..
Yet when I hold my guitar, I feel that notes r taking me somewhere …
n my fears disappear, so I lay away my guitar n go back to my puzzled sphere, taking only shades of white memory of guiding notes, but they slowly evaporate….
adding up my confusions n making me search for both the path n the guitar notes…..
that’s when my angry guitar teacher awakes me…telling me that I should play the scale millions of times as a punishment….

Music of the day: Green Day’s boulevard of broken dreams, Coldplay’s in my place & speed of sound, Pink Floyd’s shine on you crazy diamond….

Paulo Coelho's Maktub

2005-07-30T01:29:00.000+03:00

Since I’m a big fan of Paulo Coelho ,I’ve decided to share some of my favorites here… from his book Maktub ‘ which means in Arabic : it’s written….cuz they’ve got this kind of thinkin…that everything is already written by god’

1-The disciple approached his master: "For years I have been seeking illumination," he said. "I feel that I am close to achieving it. I need to know what the next step is." "How do you support yourself?" the master asked. "I haven't yet learned how to support myself; my parents help me out. But that is only a detail." "Your next step is to look directly at the sun for half a minute," said the master. And the disciple obeyed. When the half-minute was over, the master asked him to describe the field that surrounded them. "I can't see it. The sun has affected my vision," the disciple said. "A man who seeks only the light, while shirking his responsibilities, will never find illumination. And one who keep his eyes fixed upon the sun ends up blind," was the master's comment.

2-The master said: "When we sense that the time has come for a change, we begin -- unconsciously -- to run the tape again, to view every defeat we have experienced until then. "And, of course, as we grow older, our number of difficult moments grows larger. But, at the same time, experience provides us with better means of overcoming those defeats, and of finding the path that allows us to go forward. We have to play that second tape on our mental VCR, too. "If we only watch the tape of our defeats, we become paralyzed. If we only watch the tape of our successes, we wind up thinking we are wiser than we really are. "We need both of those tapes."

3-The disciple said to his master: "I have spent most of the day thinking about things I should not be thinking about, desiring things I should not desire and making plans I should not be making." The master invited the disciple to take a walk with him through the forest behind his house. Along the way, he pointed to a plant, and asked the disciple if he knew its name. "Belladonna," said the disciple. "It can kill anyone who eats its leaves." "But it cannot kill anyone who simply observes it," said the master.
"Likewise, negative desires can cause no evil if you do not allow yourself to be seduced by them."

Chill out…
2 b continued...

live 8 party

2005-07-23T20:40:00.000+03:00

well just b4 i forget about it cuz it's been like three weeks since the party took place, but i gotta tell that i was just drunk watching it, everything was perfect , watching my favorite singgers ever, the coldplay for example.....ah i can't get chrise martin n his voice out of my head, well there's somthing about this kind of parties , they make me feel that i'm in touch with the world..... cuz i live in an outcasted country u know..
but this is a weird way of thinking i guess: i believe that there was a positive energy floating around....couldn't u feel it?! n i was asking everyone around (even my grandma) "don't ya feel happy just because)...well most of the pll i asked said "nah....why u'r asking?!", but i guess that it's scintifcially correct, cuz there're all these magnetic fields around, which can be affected by our feelings' radiations, so imagine when "i can't put a number here" but i guess it's more than billion ppl release all this positive energy.....i'm sure u felt it guys...

here again

2005-07-23T19:59:00.000+03:00

It’s been ages since I last posted something here, but what can I say….. I was going through a bad phase in my life or a busy one in a mad way to be honest, well it’s been funny sometimes n a pain in the ass others :
1- I had the biggest hard disk problem ever n I had to buy a new one, I don’t wanna talk about my 10 Gigas folders I had to give up on, n don’t wanna talk about the death of my very very special n 4 years old music collection…..boohoo….
2- Now I know what it means to look for a job in syria….well I kinda found one but can’t tell so far, but anyway through my JORNEY I had an interview in Damascus n it was really something well without the hottest weather n the most crowded streets ever it would be the coolest city but I couldn’t stand the weather there ….god u feel that u’r a meat loaf which is being heated , anyway I met a special person there n I wanna tell ya iyado thanx for giving a meaning to my visit, cuz everything else went so wrong ,the job interview , the bus trip , the arrival to lattakia ….
3- I started my second guitar course a week ago n that was cheering (it\s maybe the only good stuff in my last couple of weeks)
4- WOW….. I finally got the chance to taste the bitter of failing a subject I mean after 12 years of perfection in studying …. Now I can call my self a human being…I failed a whole subject….n what I like about it is that I’m ok with it…it wasn\t a shock for me.
That’s enough I guess, well I know I should have wrote something about the ONGOING TERROR SHOW but ….i feel it’s gonna be meaningless cuz I’ll be just like those politicians ,u know using the (WE REFUSE, WE’RE AGAINST….ETC…) speeches ….but those who started the war against terrorism , led to what we’re witnessing ,cuz those 1000 terrorists few years ago r 1000000 now n they’re increasing amazingly ,n I don’t think that the war option was the only one..or the best….well I think I said I don’t wanna talk about these stuff….but I was only being me….to all those innocent ppl who were killed last few weeks …..may your souls rest in peace .

confused

2005-07-01T02:28:00.000+03:00

freewill

Well it is REALLY confusing , or it’s me who’s not getting the point.
But it’s when I watch …almost EVERY single TV channel, or listen to everyone , talking about the EXTRAORDINARY circumstances we live within , n then immediately a question pops into my mind ….what is SO extraordinary about ‘em , it’s always been like this, we haven’t lived an ordinary life since ages , I can think of no time that I’ve lived or read about, which we can call ORDINARY!! So is it another trick to stick to those dead rules and ppl??

starting it.....

2005-06-30T11:10:00.000+03:00

NOISE…it’s the only thing I can think of ,as a reason for deciding finally to make this blog (and a friend’s experience )
Because we can’t keep on arresting our thoughts anymore, it just makes you feel crazy sitting and watching all the destruction around you without doing anything.
Is it our destiny ?? If so , well I’ve found a way to break it , by standing on the top of a mountain , which is getting higher every day, and actually I don’t like this anymore, it’s a mountain of dust…..soul dust , everyday …or every minute we are being killed, stabbed or destroyed , and every time we get up and walk above our dust …. I think that being on the top of this mountain gave me the chance to see things in a different way , “we don’t claim to be perfect but we’re free” , I believe in the “NOTHING” idea, I figured out that it may be the most peaceful thought in this crowded world , I refuse to be tricked , I want to live my life not for living itself but to prove that I deserve the honor of humanity cuz I don’t believe that life is a game or a journey , like some people want to believe just to explain their fail in life, and start to picture the “other life” in an amazing- illogical way, why to live –anyway- if this is the way things go on?? No it doesn’t make sense to me at least , I have lots of things to achieve in my life , I may not reach all of what I want but at least I would have tried.
Do I live in my own fictional world ?? I don’t think so, I haven’t crossed all the lines yet “I’m working on that” .
Am I dreaming?? I think so, but it’s the only untouchable right left for us, and I ’ll fight to keep it safe.
In our society, there is no chance for creativity , everyone works for him\her benefit only, so we’re killing each other somehow , since I don’t want to be a criminal , I’ll build a “wall” that avoid us from being a part of this murder “not like Pink Floyd’s wall”, that’s why I really like what the genius “Ziad Al-Rahbani” once said: “in this country I don’t wanna change anything, I’m just trying not to give this country the chance to change me, and if this worked …I won’t ask for anything else”.
The winds of changing blew a long time ago , and we missed that. So we have to look forward and stop crying on what we’ve missed, ONE last thing, there’s so much beauty in this world that I don’t want to miss.